"South Park Post COVID": Kyle Broflovski and Mariah Jimenez's Love Story

Chapter 12: Tegridy Farms

Stan, Alexa, and Randy were all in Stan's car and sit in silence.

"Who's the broad?" Randy asked to Stan.

"That's just my Alexa." Stan answered.

"That's the best you could do, huh? Is it even the new one?" Randy asked.

"Excuse me?" Alexa asked to Randy.

"Just ignore him." Stan said to Alexa.

"Okay, fine, there's a new upgrade available for your Amazon Prime membership. Would you like to know more?" Alexa asked.

"Not now, please." Stan answered.

"Okay, so I guess just fuck me, then?" Alexa asked, angrily.

Alexa stares out the window, feeling mad.

"Uh-huh." Randy said.

They all were driving up to the Tegridy Farms, which it is now completely destroyed, with the buildings barely standing and the fields all burned down. Randy gets out of the car and stares at his old property.

This was once such a magical place.

Stan was getting out of the car as he watched Randy.

"Can we just get this over with? I don't want to be here." Stan said.

"You think I want to be here? This is where I lost everything that I cared about! And your mom and your sister!" Randy shouted.

Both Stan and Randy entered the barn.

"Dad, there's nothing here. Dad?" Stan asked.

"I think I can trust you now, Stan. It's time for you to learn what your friend Kenny was after. When the pandemic started, you were only a kid. You don't remember the pain we all went through." Randy explained.

"Yeah, I do." Stan said.

"We as Americans went through so much. First, that incompetent jack-hole was elected president. Then the pandemic came, and then the race wars. And then just when it seemed like we'd turned a corner, Space Jam 2 came out, and we all just kind of gave up. What we lost, Stan, was our Tegridy. But it was all by design. They needed us to lose it." Randy explained.

"Who did?" Stan asked.

"Who would want us to lose our optimism and start fighting with each other? China." Randy said.

"China?" Stan asked.

"China. They're the superpower now. The future is totally theirs and we let it happen. A man in china had sex with a pangolin and that started COVID. That man was me. So I knew how to go back and stop them from taking over..." Randy explained.

"Wait, whoa, whoa, wait, wait. You started COVID?" Stan asked.

"Yes, but that's besides the point. China used me like they used us all. So I came up with a way to help everyone fight back. A special Tegridy weed." Randy explained.

"You had sex with a pangolin in China and started the whole pandemic?!" Stan asked.

"Will you listen to what I'm saying?! Gal! I worked to create more Tegridy but China did everything they could to stop me. They even got to my son. Who burned all of Tegridy Farms to the ground. But what you didn't even know was that I had secretly created a new strain of weed. A weed so powerful, I couldn't even call it a special. It was more like an event. I hid it away all these years. And now it... is the key to saving us all." Randy explained.

Randy pressed a button and one of the walls opens up, that it revealing an empty vault.

"Where the fuck is it?" Randy asked.

"What?" Stan asked.

"The Tegridy Weed Special Event! Where the fuck is it?!" Randy asked in panic.

"I don't know, Dad!" Stan shouted.

"They got it. They took it! There's even fresh footprints on the ground! Oh, Jesus!" Randy shouted.

"So maybe it wasn't the Chinese." Stan said.

"Yeah, no, it was definitely the Chinese. Oh, God. That was it! That was the very last bit of Tegridy! The only other thing I had were some seeds that I hid up my ass, but they took them from me at the old folks home!" Randy explained.

"Wait a minute. What did you say?" Stan asked.

"I said they took them from me at the old folks home." Randy said.

"No, before that." Stan said.

"Oh. I said I hid em up my ass." Randy said.

"Jesus. It's so simple, How did we not get it?" Stan asked.

Stan runs out of the farm to get to the car.

"Alexa, start the car!" Stan shouted to Alexa

"There no point now, son! It's all gone. It's all lost. All lost." Randy said.

"Randy." The Voice said.

Randy looks up and hears a whispered voice.

"Randy." The Voice said.

"Ah...?" Randy asked.