Into deception

White rose

📚

I sit down and let the coldness ooze it's way through my coat from the seat bellow, the wind continues to sway all that it touches, trying to take even the sea with it's violent gushes and so I find myself hugging my arms around my cold body even tighter as I bore into the dark moving liquid just below me, some might say this is exactly what I don't need but I find myself by it's waves each time anyhow.

"Hi mum" I breath out and watch as the cold freezes my breath right above me "I know I said I'd try to sleep but I couldn't, although I think you already know that if you're still with me. I'm supposed to go to this ball tonight, with Levi, do you remember here? I hope you do, I've talked your ears off about her huh" I chuckle.

"I'm supposed to pay attention and not look like I want scream my lungs out, I'm- well I'm trying I guess. Every day goes by and I wish I could tell you that I'm feeling more like myself but I don't come here to lie, there's these moments where I forget everything, I forget where I am and where I'm going, could you believe that I even forgot my own name once" my eyes begin tearing and I laugh at the irony, my own little waves at the corners of my eyes. "I hate when I cry in front of you because I wish you were just here, I wish you could hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay, that eventually it'll all get better"

"I miss you every day mum. I'm so sorry" I find myself nodding lightly, nodding at all the shit pilling at my soul. My thumbs brush against my scars at my wrists but I stop when I remember there's makeup on them, "I need to go but I'll be back soon, I'll bring some cake next time, you're going to be 46" I giggle "goodnight mum"

With my final glance at the ocean I begin walking back to the SUV, my heels click and click against the cold and empty pavement making it less of a lonely walk up the small hill.

The car doors open just as near and I instantly feel the heat from the inside, it melts the frost of my fingertips. I dazed off half way into the journey watching the street lights blend into one singular long streak so it's when the driver speaks again that I have to double take.

"Miss we're here" the older gentleman says pulling to a stop, i nod getting out of the warm leather seats I've grown to get rather comfortable in.

"Thank you-" I look closer to the little golden badge pinned to his suit "Gus"

"Don't thank me pretty, just enjoy your night" and with that I get out breathing in the icy air.

"Oh miss this is for you" I turn to the drivers window as he sticks out a white rose, it glitters too, it's beautiful. I take it not wanting to be rude and watch as he drives off.

This is so going down his throat when I see him again, and I know I will, it's inevitable, he's inevitable.

"Mia?"

I spin around greeting Levi "you look stunning Lev" I genuinely smile at her and watch as her face lights up.

"Thank you Mia, but you-"

"Yeah I know I don't look like a brooding bitch that hasn't showered in a year" I laugh as she giggles, I missed her laugh, it's something i dont get to hear much these days. I savor it, like putting a picture in an album and keeping it hidden just for you to see.

"Believe it or not you pull that look off pretty flawlessly" she laughs "no but seriously, wow"

I feel my lips stretch into a smile and I can't seem to stop it "thank you"

"Oh who's the rose from?"

I hesitate for just a second as I think of a million things to say, I could tell her Satan spawn gave it but then what's the point in spawning the demon "from me to you" I stare at it for a minute longer before giving it over "here"