Song, Rich Girl by: Gwen Stefani, Eve
~~~~~~~~~~~
"Master handbook."
"The one and only."
He flipped a few pages, "here we are."
I stuck pencils between my fingers and laughed, "look, wolverine 2.0." I punched the air, mimicking wolverine.
"Y/n, please. Just listen."
I sighed and sat down on a desk.
"Okay, protocol. 'In the unlikely case of the grandfather paradox, the founder and any essential personnel should--"
"....'be immediately remanded to the operations bunker." I read over his shoulder. "The founder. What founder?"
"I don't know."
The ceiling collapsed, Five pulled me back. "Thanks."
"No problem. We need to find that bunker..."
"ASAP." We both said.
"Jinx. A-B-C-1-2-3, personal padlock. You owe me a juice box."
"Can you not--"
"You can't speak!"
He sighed and stared at the floor as we walked out. We walked up some stairs. "This is just like a bunch of bureaucratic bullshit. There's no clear directives in here about crisis management. You know, Y/n, I shouldn't even be here. I was... I was out. I was done, and yet here I am, swept back into the chaos. Why can't I just escape this hellhole?"
"Stop moaning."
It went quiet. Someone farted, I looked at Five. "My bad."
I rolled my eyes, "Apocalypse problems are the only things that get your heart pumping."
"No, that's not the only thing that pumps my heart."
"Mmm. What else then?"
He stared at me then cleared his throat, "I don't know why people keep saying that. I don't actually like chaos. I don't want disorder. I... I want retirement."
I chuckled, "yeah, right. What a normal life of groceries and taxes? You would die of boredom and poordom."
"Poordom? What the hell is that?"
"Poor slash boredom. You know, a combo of those two words."
"Yeah, well, you're not exactly cut out for domestic bliss either."
"Course I'm not. Thank God!" I mean, maybe it's a British thing?"
"I guarantee you, it's not a British thing."
We stopped, I saw him smiling.
"Why you smiling, you manky little virgin?"
"Cause of that. And I bet you're a virgin too."
"You could have led with that." I smiled at the thing, Five pointed at. I ignored the last part he said.
We walked into the so-called, 'Operations Bunker'.
He kept hogging the door, "Move."
"Shut up, Y/n." He snapped.
"Jeez, someone's lost the plot." I said, squeezing past him. I walked in, Five walked past me.
I looked at me. "Jesus. You're sweating like a dodgy shrimp on ice. What's wrong?"
He farted again.
"Ew. What's wrong with you?" I asked.
