There and Back Again: A Girl's Tale

Chapter 28 Desolation of Smaug

Chapter 28 The Desolation of Smaug

Dawn broke over the mountains, painting the lake in the golden light of morning. Elwen dressed quickly, not wishing to linger overly long in this place. Not when she could not banish the vision of flames licking the night sky or stop hearing the screams of the frightened, dying people.

Perhaps I fell asleep, she tried reasoning with herself. It was possible she'd dozed off without realizing and had a nightmare. It was only natural, considering the danger they were about to walk into. The danger they were putting the people of Lake-town in...

No, she couldn't think about it like that. They would succeed. Elwen and Bilbo would sneak into the throne room, steal the Arkenstone, and summon the army Thorin would need to vanquish the creature. Maybe we'll get really lucky and what we'll find in the mountain is a large, scale covered corpse.

Considering their luck so far, she wasn't counting on it.

Finally she strapped on her weapons and laced her boots. Here goes nothing.

When Elwen emerged into the hallway, she wasn't alone. Kili was struggling to fix the straps of his armor, swearing colorfully in Khuzdul, his face white with pain. Elwen flinched. He looks worse, she thought. That wound, there's something wrong with it. It made the back of her mind itch, but no matter how she clawed or the memory, she came up blank.

Elwen went to his side and tried to tighten the straps from the back. "Here, let me---"

"Don't touch me!"

The words left Kili's back in a growl, echoing off the walls. Elwen was caught so off guard, she let his armor drop to the floor with a loud crash.

"I...Kili, what..."

Elwen stopped short. Kili would not meet her eyes, and the look on his face was filled with more pain than that leg could cause. No, oh please no...

"You barely ate anything last night," he said, his voice ragged and rough. "I was bringing you food when I ran into Thorin leaving your room."

On one hand, Elwen knew they had done nothing wrong. She was betrothed to Thorin, the promise already made. What went on between them was their business alone. Then why do I feel as though I have betrayed Kili in the worst way?

"I wouldn't have had you find out that way," she said, because she didn't know what else to say.

Kili scoffed. "You're marrying him, Elwen. I'm not a fool." His tone made her bristle.

"You knew this was coming! You can't be angry with me. it isn't fair. I understand how you must feel, but---"

"You know nothing of what I feel!" Kili shouted, his voice rising enough Elwen worried they might soon have an audience. "How could you possibly understand?" he shook his head ruefully. "I knew better than to think nothing would change between us, but of course it has. My mother was right, I am reckless. And I am a fool."

Elwen went very still. "What are you saying?" her voice was a whisper. "Are you...are you saying you don't want to be my friend?"

It sounded so childish, but the thought of losing Kili; it was enough to tear her heart to pieces. Kili was her closest friend, someone she could be absolutely herself around. Being with him was as easy as breathing. Losing him would be like losing an essential part of herself.

Kili's face softened, regret and sadness taking the place of anger. "I don't see how we can be," he said. "You're going to be Queen of Erebor, Elwen. You'll have Thorin, and a kingdom to rebuild. There is no room for me." He turned to go, but not before saying over his shoulder, "Tomorrow, everything will be different."