C.Cullen; between lions and men

Act I; Scene XI

              !Warning mentions drug use, harmful thoughts, domestic violence, emotional breakdowns, and manic episodes,!

                                       " Some days I don't exist. My bed becomes a casket"~ Juansen Dizon / I Am The Architect of My Own Destruction/ pg.24/

Edward knew that carslile had an appointment with the elder swan. So it came as no shock to him when he and Bella passed Silas's yellow beetle. The tension in the vehicle started to become so suffocating even Edward who didn't need to breathe became choked. Someone needed to say something, anything. " So... How is your relationship with your brother?" Of course, he was the one to speak first. There was a pause where Bella pressed her lips together then there was a sigh. " Honestly he makes me need a cigarette half of the damn time or a vacation, sometimes both" Edward's face twisted in shock. "I love him though and he wouldn't be Silas without making me need a nicotine addiction." 

           Needless to say, Edward wished he could have even a glimpse inside Bella's mind just to understand even a minuscule part of her. "So why did Silas continue to live with your father while you lived with your mother?" Edward didn't mean to make the whole conversation about Bella's brother. He was simply curious as he had only spoken or seen the boy in passing. Bella wasn't exactly surprised by this question as it had been asked many times before. "Different mothers, he doesn't have much to do with her." It was simple and to the point vague yet gave enough detail for the statement to be understood. Edward could only hum in acknowledgment. Sadly he could not relate to how Bella felt about her brother even if the members of his mishmashed family were so completely different from one another. "Maybe things will get better with time." Yet that could not be done unless Silas wanted the help. 

       Bella knew not to put false hope into her brother or anything Silas-related after all of these years of him doing as he wished, even if it did send him into a spiral in the wrong direction. Last week was the first time she ever saw him so completely strung out in her life. Silas laying half-dead or maybe even completely dead in the Forks I.C.U took her for a loop. It was the first time she saw used needles outside of a hospital or doctor's office. It was also the first time she had the taste of menthol on her tongue, complemented by the burning sensation that filled her lungs up so much that she felt like choking. A lady most likely in her middle age offered her one in the parking lot after her brother lay in the all-white clean bed. Silas looked like death most of the time but this time he looked dead even if he looked peaceful. She would have believed him dead if not for the rise and fall of his chest. The first thing the lady said to her was "Damn you look rough. " Bella laughed softly with her eyes brimming with tears because even then she knew she did look rough. Dressed in only sweat pants, a ratty tank top, and Charlie's heavy coat with slip-on shoes you could find in any shoe department store. "You smoke?" Bella could only shrug her shoulders as she couldn't even form words. " Here you probably need this more than I do." She could only silently accept the cigarette and lighter. "no need to worry keep it." The lady motioned towards the lighter in Bella's hand. Now why Bella smoked the damn thing was something not even she could answer. And when she got home that night the smell of smoke and tobacco was still on her breath.

             Now Edward knew that he didn't know much about Bella but he knew that Bella would rather keep it that way. He didn't know much about her brother either. The Swan family was quiet and conservative in a polite way it was almost charming. Silas was two grades above him so in truth, they never spoke or interacted with one another. Edward had only been in his presence a few times so few that he could count them on the one hand. And only two stuck out to him. 

       The first was in mid-September the very beginning of the school year. Silas sat only at a table in front of him in the small school library. Edward was only a Sophomore at the time while Silas was a senior. What alerted him of Silas's presence was the sound of water dripping onto a page. When he only looked up to find where the elder boy sat shoulder shaking as silent tears fell. Edward was only allowed a small snippet into the boy's mind. ' If only... Hate... easier.' were the only words he could catch from the screams coming from the boy's head. it was practically defining. Edward didn't know if he should move to comfort Silas or leave the room entirely. That's when their eyes met. There were no sparks, no chemistry, only sadness filled with self-hate. " Sorry..." Was the only thing whispered as Silas gathered his thing to leave the room wiping the tears away with the corner of his sleeve? Edward didn't even know if the apology was directed toward him. 

       The second time was in the parking lot in the pouring rain at the beginning of April. Out of the corner of his eye is when he noticed Silas Swan. He could see that the boy was crying almost as if he was in agony. Screaming at another boy who he recognized as Caleb pierce. Edward only made out a few words as everything else and everyone's thoughts around him made his head pound. The screams of " I hate you." were faint sobs of " why's " and whispers of " But I love you" The last one was the most surprising. "It's just the drugs." The next thing that he saw was Silas's frail body stepping out of the car slamming the door desperately trying to light a cigarette in the pouring rain. " I fucking hate you Caleb pierce." was all that came out of Silas's mouth and the defining laugh of someone he couldn't even tell by this point. " you're fucking mental." Edward didn't know who said it but it was said. In the end, All Edward knew was that Silas struggled with a few things. Had a bad habit of smoking when stressed and yelling. Not being able to read Bella's mind didn't help even a bit. So it was all guessing games with the swans. It did seem as if they were a very private bunch.

I'm so sorry for the delay my computer just I don't even know if it stopped acting right for a while then came the writer's block and school exams. finally, we have a very long chapter with 1,102 words. I do go back to school in the next few weeks so I apologize if updates do become sporadic