threadbare ♠ [sequel to FRENCH BENEFITS]

06/ Hurricane

August 2, 2002 · Des Moines, Iowa

[ SID'S P.O.V ]

I hear my phone ringing from the living room. 'Probably Shawn again wanting to record.'

Just in time, I decide to answer just in case it's something important. I grab the phone and see Ali's name flash across the small screen.

"Ali?" I question. Surely she dialed the wrong number.

"Hey, Sid."

I could hear her breathing; uneven and heavy. Something is wrong. "I know this must be really weird for me to call you."

"What's up? Are you looking for one of the guys?"

I still can't believe she's on the other end of the phone right now. What could this possibly be about? Did something happen?

"No- I uh. I wanted to talk to you. If you had a few minutes?"

I grab my cigarettes and lighter and walk out to the back porch.

"Yeah, sure."

"I don't know how to say this. So I'll just come out with it, I guess."

Now my mind is really racing. I remember the guys saying she's in Seattle recording an album, but what could this phone call possibly be about? Can she not get in touch with anyone else? Is she looking for Corey? I don't even know who her interest is right now.

"Fuck. I-... I remembered some stuff." She nearly screamed out quickly. It came out of nowhere and startled me. What the fuck am I supposed to sat about that? Remembered what?

"Oh." Left my mouth first.

"Do you wanna... know what?"

She doesn't even sound like herself. I know this woman well. I know her anger, her love, her happiness, and I thought I knew her sadness. But apparently not this deeply.

"Ali, to be honest, I don't know..."

"Just let me get it off my chest at least. I don't know who else to call."

"Okay. Go ahead..." I whisper out and take a long drag off of my cigarette.

"I remember us. Germany, the day you came to my house and I agreed to move in with you. I remember our happiness. I mean, when we got back together and everything in between. Why did this happen to me, Sid? To us?"

She sobbed hard after her confession. I feel like I can't breathe. Sure, I expected her memories to come back. And after the way Joey explained her remembering the accident, I knew it would be hard for her. But I never expected this to be the first thing to return to her. What the hell do I say? I wanted her to remember me so bad when she woke from that coma.

Clary's words flashed through my mind – "You have to move on from this, Sidney. From her. Completely. Anything that you hold onto will only keep causing this pain you feel. If you want to heal, if you want true happiness, you must erase her completely. No contact, no pictures, no memories shall linger this wont work. Do you understand?"

"Alice, I just can't do this... And I'm sorry. We've been through so much together. Since I started seeing Clary, she's helped me realize that I'm just better off without you. I know that sounds awful. But you don't remember our bad times, do you?"

Memories of my own flashed before my eyes, and I cringed to think about all of that pain again. Not to mention, the pain of almost losing her completely.

I could hear her breathing stop. This isn't about to be good for either of us.

"Sid, wait..."

"If you think what you remember is good... the bad was really bad. Corey once told me that you and I were toxic for each other. And he was right, Alice. We were like fucking Sid and Nancy. You don't need me. I can't be that guy for you. I'm sorry."