threadbare ♠ [sequel to FRENCH BENEFITS]

01/ Who Am I?

* DISCLAIMER: Contains explicit language, drug use, violent references, sexual content.

Don't say it will stay this way forever / I'm afloat in the ocean trying not to sink / I'm a crack in the asphalt you walk by in the street / I'm a falling star you'll never see / So who am I? / Don't say it will stay this way forever / I'm the lesson you'll never learn / The sickness that was never your concern / I'm the big surprise at the end of the night / So who am I? / Don't say it will stay this way forever / I'm holding on / Careful what I wish for / I am the knot in your stomach / The message saying you're not home / Don't say it will stay this way forever / Don't say it will stay this way forever / I'm afloat in the ocean trying not to sink...

"Ali! Bring your ass upstairs and eat breakfast with us!" Hanna's voice called down the stairway.

"Five minutes!" I shouted back up and set the weights down.

Working out to get my strength back was one of the best things I've found I can do right now. I still get really tired very easily, but I'm done being weak. From what everyone has told me, I should be dead. But I'm not; not yet. And it's time to piece myself back together.

I remember my whole life, less one year. I've been dwelling on that pretty harshly over the past few weeks. The girls tell me not to stress myself out about it, but that's something I have no control over. Writing music has always been my escape; and nothing in that fact has changed.

And while Hanna and Sam want a break, I'm ready to continue strong. I feel like I made it out of pure hell to live another day. And that's something to fucking talk about.

"Hey, come on. Joey's taking us out with the guys," Hanna emerged into the small gym in their basement. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and nodded.

I will say that being around the people who know me, yet not being able to remember a thing about them, is challenging.

I almost caught myself catching feelings for one of these guys once I got out of the hospital, but I suppose that part of me hasn't changed either.

However, I don't need to be getting laid right now. I need to get my life back; piece everything back together. And the sooner that everyone realizes that the better. Maybe I have always been a bit selfish but after what I've been through, I feel it's justified now.

"Let me get a quick shower and I'll be ready. What time has it gotten to be?" I stretched against the wall as I asked her, honestly not knowing how long I've been down here. Usually, hours pass, and I don't even notice.

"It's almost nine. You've been down here for a few hours, as usual. Come on, I'm dragging you out," Hanna's hands pushed against my lower back, towards the stairs.

On the second floor of their home is where I reside. I'm finding out that the longer I live here, the more I miss home, so Hanna and Joey are trying to make me feel more at-ease.

What started out as me having half of the second floor to myself turned into the entire thing. Along with the huge bedroom with an en suite, and the office, I now converted another room into a studio for my music that I refuse to give up. Joey even threw one of his smaller drum sets in there to help me with writing.

The walls were painted a dark purple and it was completely soundproof. There was a space setup for recording. There was a small booth conversion with a microphone. The room also featured about ten guitars and basses, multiple amps and of course, posters hung onto the walls.