threadbare ♠ [sequel to FRENCH BENEFITS]

05/ Someone You Loved

August 2, 2002 · StudioX · Seattle, Washington

"Wake in a sweat again / Another day's been laid to waste / In my disgrace / Stuck in my head again / Feels like I'll never leave this place / There's no escape / I'm my own worst enemy / Take this all away / I'm suffocating / Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me! / I don't know what to take / Thought I was focused, but I'm scared / I'm not prepared / I hyperventilate / Looking for help somehow, somewhere / And no one cares / I'm my own worst enemy / I've given up / I'm sick of feeling / Is there nothing you can say? / Take this all away / I'm suffocating / Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me / Put me out of my misery / Put me out of my fucking misery!"

- - -

"I'm underground without a sound / Too hard to face / My fall from grace / Can I create another fate / Will I become no one? / It's been so long / I'm still searching for the sun / My world is going numb, but I will overcome / Cause I know that I'm right where I belong / You think my days are done / But I will prove you wrong cause I know that I'm right where I belong / So I divide the blackened sky / To try to find the light / It's been so long / I'm still searching for the sun / My world is going numb / But I will overcome cause I know that I'm right where I belong / You think my days are done / But I will prove you wrong cause I know that I'm right where I belong / Now I'm falling out of this hole in the earth / Cause I've had enough, I'm feeling less than a word / I reach out from the dark / I'm still searching for the sun / The world is going numb / But I will overcome cause I know that I'm right where I belong / You think my days my days are done / But I will prove you wrong cause I know I'm right where I belong / I will overcome / I will prove you wrong / So I divide the blackened sky / To try to find right where I belong!"

Completely out of breath, I step back from the microphone. After three straight hours, I finally got this song finished. It took a long time for me to convince everyone that coming to record music would help me. And to go alone was even tougher for them to process.

They were so worried about panic attacks, and what may happen if my memories did come back, and no one would be there to help me through it. I simply told them I would cross that bridge when I come to it. This was just something I had to do for me. They will just have to understand.

Today feels different, though. I've been at it for a long time today without taking any breaks.

"Fuck, time for a breather." I whisper to myself.

"That was great! Let's go one more time," the voice of Chip came through the speaker of the booth.

One strong eyeroll later, I huffed a response. "Fuck yourself, Chip. I can't right now."

Chip is one of the sound techs here at Studio X,the place I decided to record this solo album at. I've sort of hired him as my'manager', so to speak. Truthfully, I haven't had anyone push me this hardwhile recording since our first album we put out as Kuolematon Sielun.