threadbare ♠ [sequel to FRENCH BENEFITS]

07/ Here's To The Heartache

August 3, 2002 · StudioX · Seattle, Washington

"Phil, you look great. Holy shit." I let him in the room and shut the door behind him. All the while, he's laughing at my reaction.

Last time I saw him in person, he was so broken – performing at that bar in New Orleans back in 1995. Even from my dream-memory the other night, he seemed sad and gruff.

"You look great yourself, Miss Morgana." Phil went and sat at the desk in the corner of the room. "Tell me about how you got here."

"Well, after I moved in with Hannah and Joey, I started writing music more. I pushed myself really hard one night, and that's when my first memory came back. It was- the accident. It wasn't just a dream. That memory was real. I felt every single thing that happened. Even after I passed out, all that pain was there."

I choked on my words at the end and let the sob escape my throat. There's no sense in hiding my feelings now.

"I'm so fucking happy you're here."

I walked to Phil and hugged him tightly. He hesitated for only a few seconds before standing up, holding me against his body and let me cry.

"Where's your man? Sid, is it?" He asked as we separated.

"Oh- he's not... we haven't been together since I had the accident."

That seemed to set Phil off.

"What the fuck? You mean to tell me that you got in this mess because of him, and he can't even stick around and be a man, for his woman? I never did like that little dude for you."

I winced at his honesty. But that's just the way Phil has always been.

"Yeah. Apparently everyone's on that page. Except I remember now. I remember how I felt. How happy I was, and could still be. But- he's fucking his therapist I believe. She's all he has talked about anytime I've been around him." I rolled my eyes in disgust. I've never seen or met this girl, yet I feel threatened by her. It feels like she took something from me.

"You're better off without him, darling. Trust me." Phil moved closer to me and pushed my hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. I leaned into his all-so-familiar touch.

"I know," I whispered and let myself relax in his presence.

"Now, tell me what's new with you."

◊◊◊

"You guys ready?" Chip called out, looking at Phil and I in the booth together.

I nodded and Phil gave a thumbs up. We put our headphones on, hearing the guitar and drumbeat pick up.

Phil started singing first, and we alternated who sang each verse.

Phil:

"Well, all the bars are closing down for the night / I got a bottle beneath the seat of my truck and she'll hold me tight / Time is a wasting and you're my mind / Two more drinks in this bottle and I'll be just fine"

Both:

"I drink about you til the morning comes / And I'll drink about you til I see the sun."

Alice:

"Hear your footsteps coming down the hall and you're not there / Know my days are numbered, but I couldn't care / It's all over but the crying now - last tears been shed / I remember the look on your face but not what you said."