must be love on the brain
to state that their relationship was confusing would be the understatement of the century.
onika was only 23. she didn't like feeling as if she was stuck in some pandora's box and she couldn't get out no matter hard she tried. she felt hidden—as if she was behind the scenes—she didn't want this to be her life. it was hard for her—it was so hard for her.
it started in highschool, when onika had the hugest crush on beyoncé giselle knowles. it was the classic loner and popular girl deal. onika was never one for spotlight. ever. but beyoncé seemed to bask in it, and she shined no matter how dark it was.
onika was sure she was in love with her. then, at least.
they never did date in highschool, beyoncé and her became friends but drifted apart when college hit.
atleast that's what onika thought they were. she learned in senior year that beyoncé only used her for homework answers and projects. she once overhead her saying it to her popular friends. that whenever she and her were in the same class she didn't pair with onika because she liked her—she just needed the grade.
that broke onikas heart. did their afternoons after school hanging out and watching their favorite movies mean nothing to her? she remembers crying for days on end about that. she knew she didn't carry sex appeal like the other people beyoncé fucked with but she was only 17. she didn't even really know what that meant. but she did know beyoncé didn't like her—beyoncé didn't even like girls.
onika was initially sad about it— but she moved on. though beyoncé was her first crush—the blonde never fully expressed interest back. sometimes onika would catch her staring at her but she always assumed she was just in her own little world.
and onika was just living in it.
onika dated men, woman, people who didn't identify as neither or maybe even both. she didn't have a preference and she took the time to explore herself, but—nothing ever lasted. her most serious relationship is currently an on-and off one. and right now they're off.
onika was still doing okay though, her mental and physical health were at an all time high despite her work load—she was okay.
until beyoncé snaked her way back into onikas life.
it started during spring break when onika went back to houston to visit her family. A few of her friends that she had grown up with thought it was a good idea have their own young adult get together. It was a nice a nice thought and Onika was happy to go.
Onika had grown up with these people, she thought it would be nice to see some of them again. others? not so much. but she didn't want to be a buzzkill so she tagged along with lauren and robyn.
she proceeded to exit the car with the two, robyn spoke up as she looked up at the house. "oh gosh, i swear if tae is here and drunk.." she mumbled and onika chuckled, "you know he is." she stated as they stepped inside. onika pulled down her floral sleeved sundress as she looked around. she saw people she recognized—and they immediately talked to her.
she smiled and nodded throughout the night, her cheekbones even hurt a bit from all the grinning she was doing. she was indeed having a good time but her social battery was never fully charged.
there reached a point where she was by herself, she received casual greetings from people she was aquatinted with in highschool but weren't friends with. she got a bit stuffy and tired, she decided to sit outside on the back porch for some air and saw a lot of people were there as well making lots of noise. she wouldn't be surprised if they got the cops called on them.
