lost cause || B.E

only for me

billie's POV:

we didn't talk much that night. i kept trying to talk, but she didn't really seem interested. so i eventually stopped trying.

while we were both trying to go to sleep, i tried cuddling or touching her in any type of way i could, and she would always shoo me off somehow. which i respected, and eventually stopped trying.

i ended up moving myself downstairs to the couch and tried to get some sleep. it's clear she wanted her space, so i gave it to her.

sleeping was too hard though. i didn't get any. not even an hour. i spent most of the night just thinking, scrolling, more thinking, etc.

once i saw the sunrise, i figured i might as well just start the next day. i ordered sav and i coffee on postmates, i really needed it. i got us both iced coffee, so when it got here, i put hers in the fridge because she wasn't up yet.

i ended up spending most of the morning drinking my coffee and texting finneas stuff about the EP. about an hour had passed by, i was still sitting on the floor with my notebook on my lap and my phone in my hand. then i heard trotting down the stairs. but i was too focused to really think anything of it.

"how long have you been up?" sav yawned. i looked up at her then looked back down at my notebook. "i dunno, what time did we wake up yesterday?" i asked her.

"you didn't sleep at all?" she asked, concerned. "nope." i mumbled, "i got coffee for you in the fridge if you want it." i took a sip of my coffee. she walked closer to me and sat next to me on the floor.

"you don't need coffee billie, you need to go to sleep. why didn't you sleep last night?" she asked, taking my coffee away from me.

"you clearly didn't want me to." i mumbled again. "would you stop fucking doing that?" she asked. i stood up, "would YOU stop fucking doing that?" she stood up too, "doing what?" she asked.

"okay look, we're engaged now. now is the time where i need to be completely honest with you about things right? so i'm gonna." i said, "i hate it when you're mad at me. i hate that when you're upset you, you fucking just ignore everything and avoid me and i don't like it."

"i wish we could just talk about things, and come to a consensus instead of being mad and you isolating yourself. i hate it."

it was silent for a while.

"are you gonna say anything?" i asked softly. "i don't know what to do when i'm mad billie. i tried talking last night and all i heard were things i didn't want to hear so i figured if i just let myself fade away.. i'd eventually forget about it?" she stated, with such a numb look on her face.

"i know it's not what you wanted to hear, but that doesn't mean you have to ignore me sav, we hasaave to be able to communicate and get passed things. or we're never gonna be okay." i explained, "if you don't want to deal with me lying to the media about us..." i paused.

"i'll quit music." i said,

"i'll drop my label, i'll stop making music, i'll back out of being a celebrity if that's what will make us all good."

"billie no, that's crazy." she said. "i am crazy." i responded. "trust me i know." she laughed, "but no, i don't want you to do that. music is your dream, all this is your dr-."

"you're my dream." i interrupted, "i don't need any of this shit more than i need you." "billie no, if you quit music i'm quitting you. dont fucking do that." she demanded.

i threw my hands up by my head. "yes ma'am." i said. i brought my hands back down to grab onto her waist. "we will tell the world eventually my love. i just want to wait because i don't know what's to come of my new "celebrity" life." i said.