Our Little Secret

Kade (35)

⚠️ MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

I run up the stairs into my room, flashbacks of roman and I doing this exact thing. It pains my heart just seeing his face. I run into the bathroom.

The last place he ever was in this house. The place I thought would keep him the safest but ended up hurting him more.

I stop just for a minute, looking at myself through the mirror. My mind is screaming at me. I cant focus. My eyes well up with tears once again.

"FUCK!" I scream as loud as I can.

I back up into the wall behind me, falling to the floor.

"No please- give him back- why didn't you fucking kill me instead- god please- no-" I choke on my sobs.

My head falls into my hands. I sit there for a while, the tears never seeming to end. I finally bring myself to look up. I see the drawer next to me, partly opened. He tried to get it. He tried to use it. I reach to open the drawer more.

I place my hand on the handle and I pause.

Am I really gonna do this?

Flashbacks of roman's smile over take my mind. I'll never hear his laugh again. I'll never get to see him again. I'll never get to touch him again.

I open the drawer. I dig through it, looking for anything. then I find it. The blade.

I remember it all so vividly. Like it's a core memory. Us telling each other we love one another and not wanting it to be the end.

I pick it up. Running my fingers across the side. I hear my front door open. It's roman's mom.

"Kade? I thought you would maybe be here? I want to talk with you." She shouts.

I don't move. My heart beating faster than before. I hear Gwen calling my name. Tears streaming down my face.

People never tell you how it is losing someone you love with your whole body. You hear about it happening to other people and you tell them it will get better as it goes on. That they will come out of it stronger than ever. You believe it's truly helping them too. But once it happens to you, it's the biggest lie someone can say.

"Kade? Kade? Are you okay?" I hear her yelling, trying to open my door.

I don't say anything.

"Kade?! I know you are in here! Please Kade open the bathroom door! I'll break this down if I need to!" She screams.

"It's not your fault baby. You did nothing wrong. You did everything you could." She tries to comfort me.

All. Lies.

I was never scared of death until I met roman. But now that he's gone, what is there for me to be scared of now? Im living for no one at this point.

Our love story doesn't end here. I promised him I would love him and be with him forever. And i don't break my promises. I bring the blade down to my heart, a final scream leaving my lips.

"KADE!" Gwen screams.

Death. The only thing that was keeping us apart. But now, we get to finish our epic love story.