Stay - Yang Jungwon 양 정원

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘-𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄

While eating, it was suggested that we read our letters from our parents out loud.  It mostly started when Heeseung's brother, in his letter, said something about liking Jay more than Heeseung.  The mood quickly changed when Sunghoon read his letter.  It was the first time most of us had seen Sunghoon cry so much.

I felt Jungwon's hand slip into mine as he read his letter from his mom.  I took one of the napkins that were packed for him and quickly wiped away a tear as he got to the end of the letter. "Ah, that was a lot harder than I thought," Jungwon muttered, fanning his eyes.

"Why do I feel like crying? I've never even met Jungwonie's parents," Heeseung said, making us laugh.

"Noona, you should read yours," Niki said, still wiping his eyes from reading his letter.

I laughed nervously, "Please, no, I've cried so much on this show already," I complained.

"It can't be that bad," Jungwon said encouragingly, grinning.

"Yah, that's what you said about yours, and look," I shook my head. "Ah, okay, fine," I mumbled.  I was curious about what my family wrote. I picked out the one my mom wrote as I wanted to keep the one from my grandparents just for myself.

"It's folded up so nicely," Jake said, seeing the colored paper.

"My mom loves making things pretty," I hummed, unfolding it.  My eyes glazed over the familiar handwriting.  She always had the prettier handwriting between her and my dad. "Oh no..." I looked away, blinking hard when I felt tears.

"Did you even read the first line?" Jungwon asked, handing me a napkin.

"No..." I laughed quietly feeling him pat my back. "Okay... I got this," I said brightly, trying to think about this lightly.  I looked at the letter again, reading the words silently before reading it out loud,

"'To my heart, Chaerin, did you enjoy the meal your father and I had made? Your dad spent a lot of time making sure the recipe was fool-proof before sending it,'" I gave a small laugh.  Of course, he did. "Uhm... okay... 'I'm so proud of you.  There are barely words to describe how proud I am.  I remember when you used to struggle and struggle.  But now you're so grown.  It's weird seeing you on TV, not being able to hug you or say goodnight as we always do.  I promise you, whatever struggles you are going through right now...'" I took a deep breath, trying to at least read the letter. "'...whatever struggles you are going through right now, they'll pass. So it's okay to cry, you know that?  You always try not to cry until it's overwhelming you, and it worries me.  Please just remember, even when you feel so alone that our family is always cheering for you.  I could not be happier that you've found your dream.  Nor could I be more grateful you've found people who can hug you until I can. I cannot wait until I can hold my baby girl again.  Your dad and I promise to make the biggest meal for you when you come home.  I love you, Rin...' signed mom," I let out a small breath, folding back up the paper and setting it on the table.

I kept my eyes focused on the edge of the glass table.  If I looked anywhere else I worried I was going to burst into tears. I didn't even want to imagine what was in my grandparents' letter.

"Chae," Jungwon said softly, resting his hand on my leg, "You okay?"

"I miss them," I muttered, covering my eyes. I heard many of the boys coo as Jungwon brought me into a hug, letting me cry against his hoodie.   I missed my family so much.  I failed to realize how long four months is.  Part of me wanted the show over with.  So I could go home and just be with my parents again.

After what seemed like a long time, I sat up and wiped my eyes.  I still struggled to catch my breath a little bit, but the weight on my shoulder felt less. "Thank god I'm not wearing makeup," I mumbled, seeing the large tear stains on the cuffs of my sleeves.