Touch Starved

Chapter 1 - Broken

Author's Note: First of all, this is a gift for uncorrectgrammar on ao3 for the SW Father-Son Appreciation exchange! 

I didn't actually start this as a gift fic initially, but it fit, and it was all I could think about. Lol. It's a Vader redemption, Obi-Wan series fix-it, and time travel all wrapped up in one, and it is primarily a self-indulgent fic starring Vaderkin and Obi-Wan. If you want to see someone other than them... sorry, not really going to happen for a while. :):):)

There is sooooo much angst and angst and more angst and hurt/comfort and fluff. And there's a lot of platonic snuggling! :D

Finally, this fic is 21 chapters plus and epilogue. It's 71k, and I wrote it in 22 days. Updates will be every Thursday. ^-^

PS. It is now my personal opinion that Vaderkin and Obi-Wan are platonic soulmates. Lol.

WARNING: Depression (major depression), suicidal tendencies, slight (or more than slight) possessiveness. 

~ Amina Gila

"I am not your failure, Obi-Wan." He doesn't know why he says it. He doesn't know – understand – the complex mix of feelings that spur him onwards, not anymore. "You didn't kill Anakin Skywalker." There's a strange need in him to make Obi-Wan understand. And more than that, there's the desperate yearning to push his old master to the breaking point. He wants to die. He craves it, and there's no one strong enough to best him other than Obi-Wan. If he must die, he thinks it would be nice if the last person at his side is Obi-Wan, even if Obi-Wan is the one who kills him.

He deserves no less anyways.

"I did," Vader continues, holding his old master's eyes. His respirator cycles weakly, his breath rasping as he tries to hide his struggle for oxygen. He can't breathe right anymore. "The same way I will destroy you!"

And it's true. That's his deepest desire laid out. If he turns Obi-Wan, if Obi-Wan Falls, they can destroy Sidious. Vader will lay the galaxy and Empire at his once master's feet and hope it will be enough to earn the tiniest bit of forgiveness, or – or even... affection. He needs it. He needs that more than he needs to breathe. He would die if it meant having Obi-Wan at his side one last time. He just – he needs him back.

There is one person he cannot live without, and that person is not Padme. It's Obi-Wan. It was always Obi-Wan, but he was – he was too blind to see it. Obi-Wan was the one constant in his life, and he never imagined a reality where that changed. It's his worst nightmare now, and he would gladly burn on Mustafar all over again if it would mean getting that back.

Some unfathomable emotion flashes across Obi-Wan's face. "Then my friend is truly dead," he says, as if it's that simple. He doesn't stop staring though, searching what he can see of Vader's face, through the break in his mask, for... something. He doesn't find it. "Goodbye... Darth."

Vader struggles for air, trying to breathe as panic and confusion mount within him when Obi-Wan turns and begins to walk away, leaving him there, suffocating and half-crippled. No. Nonono. This wasn't supposed to happen. Obi-Wan was supposed to – to snap, or at the very least, kill him. Not – not leave. Not again.

"Obi-Wan!" he calls desperately after the retreating form of his former master, stumbling a few steps forward, even though his legs aren't working right anymore. Obi-Wan sliced open his back, damaging one of the prosthetic vertebrae which were installed; it's a miracle he can even stand at all, at this point.

Nothing.

No response.

Obi-Wan continues to walk away as though Vader's frantic screams mean nothing to him. He stumbles forwards another step, falling to the ground as his legs stop supporting his weight properly. He catches himself, just barely, from slamming face first into the ground.