Touch Starved

Chapter 5 - Together

Author's Note: The chapters will alternate: one from Vader's POV, and one from Obi-Wan's POV until the end. :)

Fun fact. Originally this was supposed to be a one-shot that ended around the same place as chapter 4. But then, I wanted to expand on it to conclusion to really get into the process of Obi-Wan and Vaderkin trying to rebuild, so this became a 22 chapter fic instead. Lol.

WARNING: Depression (major depression), suicidal tendencies, slight (or more than slight) possessiveness.

~ Amina Gila

Is he Vader still, or is he Anakin? Does it even matter? He's – he is. Someone. And Obi-Wan is here with him, so there's that. Somehow, for some unfathomable reason, his old master cares about him. He loves him, even now, despite everything. If he didn't, if his affection only extended to Anakin and not the man he's become, Vader doubts Obi-Wan would be holding him like this, like he actually means it.

He's content to stay in Obi-Wan's arms, his head resting on his shoulder, listening to the sound of his heartbeat and even breathing. Slowly, bit by bit, his pain is fading away, a steady calm taking its place. And with it, the Dark Side is returning to him, nipping at him, demanding that he use it, that he feed it. It's eaten his pain, and it wants more, but Vader holds it at bay. He doesn't care to listen to its whispers while he's nestled in his true master's arms. Obi-Wan is – he's his everything. His once master, his best friend, his father even, though never once did Vader think Obi-Wan would ever think of him as a son.

He likes it though; it makes him happy, content, even if those are not emotions commonly associated with the Dark. On the contrary, these feelings of contentment and affection chase the darkness away, making it snarl and snap at him as it tries to wiggle back in and take him again. There will be time enough for that later. Now, now Vader will simply relax and enjoy the comfort that Obi-Wan is giving him.

His once master is holding him almost possessively, and he likes it, because Obi-Wan's touch is warm, protective, grounding, whereas Sidious' was demanding, greedy, cold. Obi-Wan is real, genuine. I love you too, dear one, Obi-Wan had said. He meant it, too, the Force lighting up with the strength of his unshielded love. Vader can't doubt him again. He can't, not when Obi-Wan claimed him with such fierceness.

With the warmth of Obi-Wan's body against his own, the way his arms are wrapped around him, keeping him close, Vader feels some of his broken pieces begin to mend. He might have made the choices that led to his Fall, even if he didn't want it, but it was Obi-Wan who shattered him. He had thought he would have it all after he first kneeled to Sidious only to have those dreams destroyed. He lost everything, everyone, that day, and there have been times when he didn't know what gutted him worse: losing his faceless, unborn child or losing his true master.

Padme's death crippled him; Obi-Wan's betrayal destroyed him. It wasn't until Mustafar, until after he scrambled to gather together the broken pieces of his mind and sanity, that things had come into perspective for him, and he'd realized the enormity of what he'd lost. And perhaps it wasn't surprising that Obi-Wan was at the forefront of his thoughts. When the kyber crystal he bled to replace his own showed him a perfect future, it wasn't a future where he managed to bring back Padme. No, it was a future where he returned to his true master's side and received his acceptance again.

Vader pushes those thoughts from mind, letting himself live in the moment for once and not give any mind to the future. This is a moment to be savored and treasured, because it's more – more fulfilling than anything he'd ever gotten as Anakin.

The Force around them is alight with something akin to joy, its currents curling around them both as if this is what it wanted. And perhaps it is, because Vader can think of no other reason why the Force chose to snatch them both and leave them here in the past.