Back to Summer (High School Series #4)

Chapter 17

Her POV

Hindi ko pa rin makalimutan ang nangyaring pag-uusap namin ni Calihson kanina sa kotse. I can't control my mind from thinking all of those things I said and I heard from him.

He said he didn't love Rhiann anymore. Nilinaw niya na iyon sa akin kanina. He said LOVED. Not LOVE.

Tuwing maaalala ko ang nangyari 'yon, hindi ko maiwasang mahiya sa sarili. Gosh. I've said many things that sounded very dramatic because I really thought he still loved her. I even felt like I'm in a movie, letting go of my lover so he could be with the girl he truly loved, all while I was hurting inside.

Argh! Tumagilid ako sa pagkakahiga sa kama at niyakap ang aking unan. Kanina ko pa sinusubukang matulog pero ayaw akong dalawin ng antok.

Pero kung ganoon nga, hindi na niya talaga mahal si Rhiann? Well, gaya nga ng sinabi ni Rigil, he's a man with one word. So it is sure that Calihson really didn't love her anymore.

Bakit parang masaya naman ako? Siguro ay dahil hindi naman deserve ni Rhiann ang second chance ni Calihson. She cheated on her. Wait, did really cheat on her? Sinubukan kong alalahanin ang kuwento ni Rigil pero mas nananaig ang inis ko sa babae kaya hindi ko nalang iyon inalala pa.

But thinking again that he didn't love and will love that girl, why do I suddenly feel like hope is embracing my heart? Like I was in a state of great relief? Dahil sa pakiramdam na 'yon, mas lalo pang nagising ang diwa ko.

"What is wrong with me?" I blurted out. Baliw na ata ako.

Pumikit ako at kasabay n'on ang pagkatanto sa isa pang bagay. Napabalikwas ako ng higa at natigilan.

Shit. What if Calihson thought I was jealous of what I said and acted earlier? Asyumero pa man din 'yon!

I sighed nervously as I lay on my bed again. I grabbed my pillow and hugged it with both of my arms.

I wasn't jealous... right? Bakit naman ako magse-selos?

So what if his first love was there at their party? Napahiya naman si Rhiann noong malamang ako ang girlfriend ni Calihson.

So what kung sexy, maganda, at mayaman siya? I have all of that, too.

So what kung gusto ng Lolo ni Calihson si Rhiann para sa kanya? His parents want me for him.

So bakit ako magseselos, 'di ba?

Dahil may memories silang dalawa? Calihson and I have, too. Mas marami pa doon.

But why am I suddenly comparing her to me? Napasinghal ako pero muling napa-isip.

Oh, yeah, I need to prove to myself I'm not jealous... but my heart knows that I'm just lying to myself. It knows how I really felt earlier.

And now, I'm starting to admit to myself that I did feel... jealous.

Napapikit ako. Okay! Fine! I got jealous of her. The reason why? I don't know, too. Wait, did I really don't know, or is that, I just don't want to accept the real reason why?

Na...

Gusto ko na siya...

Gosh! I already fell for him?! For real?!

Tinaklob ko ang unan sa aking mukha at doon sumigaw. I really went crazy for this! For sure Mom would probably be the happiest person in the world once she knew about this.

But no, my pride can't still accept that I was the one who fell first and that, I lost the bet!—Yes, I won't deny, may gusto na ako sa lalaking 'yon.

Pero hindi pa naman niya alam na gusto ko na siya. I can still hide it. That's right! What I need to do is to make him fall for me and confess first!