𝗧𝗘𝗘𝗡𝗔𝗚𝗘 𝗥𝗢𝗬𝗔𝗟𝗧𝗬 [steve harrington]

breaking point

August 1985
1 month post-starcourt
🎶 this is me trying - taylor swift

Steve had been struggling to sleep for weeks post Starcourt. He knew it wasn't long before Izzie was gone and all he wanted was to hold it together and make her last few weeks in Hawkins with him memorable. He wanted to be there for her, not burden her with even more problems. The way he saw it, she has enough trauma, why burden her with his? One night, however, he had woken up from another one of his nightmares. This one being a particularly bad one. He was sitting in the mall, on his knees in front of Izzie.
It was blurry, he could hear himself screaming but he couldn't feel anything at all. That was, physically, of course. Mentally, it was the worst pain he could imagine. His body was cold, despite the heat of the July air, but his thought were on fire. He could hear Dustin and some of the other kids crying. He didn't understand it was a dream until he woke up in a sweat, and laid eyes on the blonde sleeping peacefully beside him in one of his t-shirts. He had to graze his hand across her arm, just to be sure she was real.

He was fighting as hard as he could to not cry, but it was all too much. He had been holding it in for far too long and he couldn't do it anymore. Without Izzie his life would be total shit. His parents couldn't give a shit less about him, he wasn't good enough get into any college at all to actually make something of himself, and he's constantly an inch away from death. If he didn't have her what did he have? He'd have an empty home with a shitty job and probably no friends. He'd be one of those lonely high school peakers who sat around outside the school reminiscing on the 'good days'. She was the only reason he had to keep going everyday and work towards something. He forced himself to never consider the possibility she could disappear, but it was time to confront the fact that it could happen at any time whether he liked it or not.

He found himself on the bathroom floor, sobbing. He felt stupid for it, like less of a man. Maybe it was because that's how his dad taught him to feel? It felt like hours with his skin pressed against the cold tile before he heard footsteps coming towards him. Shit.

Izzie had been sleeping, and was woken up by a combination of Steve's absence and the sound of his cries. "Steve?" She whispered, her voice still raspy.

He was sitting on the floor, and he quickly turned away from her. "Why are you on the floor? What happened?" She knelt down and tried to meet his eyes despite him turning away. Izzie managed to hold his face, moving it to face hers. She could see in his eyes he wasn't ready to be questioned, the best she could do was hold him. So she did, she sat with him in silence with her arms wrapped tightly around him. Steve's arms snaked around Izzie's waist as both their bodies shook from his cries.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly.

"For what?" She asked.

He shook his head. "For waking you up like this. It's stupid."

"No it's not." She replied. "We've been through a lot Steve, and I've never once seen you break down. You never let yourself feel. You just constantly worry about me or the kids and you never take a minute to think about what all of this is doing to you. It's killing you, love." She wiped a tear away with her thumb as she watch him search for words.

"I'm just so tired Izzie." He cried. "I mean I am covered in scars and I can't sleep at night anymore, I'm exhausted all the time. I just keep telling myself to be strong because if I don't, who else will?"

"Steve please, let yourself feel something." She said, running her fingers through his hair.

"California doesn't deserve you." He frowned. "But you don't deserve this."

"Neither do you." She sighed. "We're going to make it out I promise. Just hang in there a little while longer until I get on my feet in California and you save up enough here and we can move there permanently. We have 48 other states to choose from if you don't like it there, we can go anywhere."

After that, they sat there for awhile. Just holding each other. Izzie was sitting there, and all she could think about was how Steve needed her and she should have noticed he was hurting. He noticed when she was hurting, he always paid attention. She held back tears as long as she could because this wasn't about her. When a tear did fall down her cheek, she was utterly silent about it. The thing about Steve is, when it comes to Izzie, he always knows. He felt a tears fall against his bare skin and he immediately sat up to look her in the eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." She replied.

"You know I know you better than that." He said quietly, brushing a strand piece of hair behind her ear.

"I just realized I've been watching you break down for months and didn't even realize it. I should have been there, I should have known."

"No. It's not your fault Izzie, I can almost guarantee that without you I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't." He replied, pulling her back in.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." He assured. "Let's go back to bed."

Izzie followed Steve down the hall back into bed. The faint light from the moon fell on her skin as she took her spot beside him. It was funny, how safe she felt with him. Even in the most dangerous possible life threatening situations, she felt safe with him by her side.

How would she ever survive California without him?

-

this is my new format for this book, so if you see a bunch of updates just ignore them it's me changing the rest of the chapters to match. sorry i do this like every couple of months bc i'm too attached to this book and I don't want to work on anything else 🤭

anyways steve finally getting to break down after being strong for everyone>>>