Verge of collapse

Chapter 12

Christopher 

I'm going crazy right now. I want to do two things, go back there and yell at her for no reason, just to let out my anger and go back there to ask for forgiveness. I knew that it was stupid of me to do something like that, but before I could comprehend on what I was doing, I was doing it and of course she would be angry at me. She's the one who's right, not me. But no, I had to go and yell at her. Which is a fucked up thing for me to do. I only did it because she pointed out what I was doing and it made me angry. Yes, fuck, I knew that I fucked up. No need to rub it on my face. She was in such a good mood and I had to ruin everything. I didn't really walk away much, I just wanted to get out of that room. Looking at the blue water for a moment helps me calm down. It's too fucking hot right now, another reason why I got so furious.

I have to go back and talk to her. She'll probably kick me out or cuss at me. She has a very bad temper and I fucking love her for it, but I'm using it against her all the time. I open the door and the cool air hits me, making me slightly relax. As I close the door, I hear a sniffle. No way... I walk into the bedroom and see that she's laying on her side on the bed with her knees high bend and by the sounds of her sniffles I can tell that she's been crying or still is, she just heard me get in.

I take a bold move by climbing onto the bed and laying down next to her. She flinches at my touch as I put my hand on her shoulder, but I don't move away. It hurts me to see her this way and especially it breaks my heart when she tries to get away from my touch.

"Baby..." I say looking at her tear stained face. She closes her eyes, with a look like she's in pain. "Please, look at me." I beg. She continues to look at the wall. I try to lean forward so that she somehow can see me. "Baby, I'm so sorry." I tell her and she finally does look at me. Right now I wish that it was the old times when she had her guard up and I couldn't read her emotions, but right now I can see in her eyes that she's hurt. It's all fucking because of me, because I'm an idiot.

"Why did you do it?" She asks with a small voice.

"Because I'm an idiot." I try to make her smile, but it doesn't work. "I love you so much and I know that I shouldn't have done that. I was lost in the moment... and it kind of just happened... and then when you pointed it out, it made me angry for no reason... I knew that you were right." She listens carefully to what I say, with those blue eyes pierced to mine. "I am really sorry. Please forgive me." I beg. She still doesn't look happy, but her features softened somehow.

"I just don't want this to be a thing." She says with a much calmer voice that indicates that she can forgive me.

"It won't, I promise."

"We should be equals, partners."

"We are." Never in my life I thought that I would have an argument over sex. From now on I'm going to fucking think before doing something. "So we're okay?" I ask hopefully.

"We're okay." She says and I kiss her forehead.

"Do you want to watch something?" I ask her and she turns to her back.

"I don't know." She shrugs. I wipe the almost dried tears from her face and kiss her cheeks multiple times. A small smile appears on her face.

"I can't stand to see you cry. It breaks my heart in a way that you can't even imagine." I tell her and she looks at me with a serious look.

"You were the one who made me cry." She says and I feel like a knife just stabbed in my chest.

"I know that baby. I'm so sorry." I say. I have no idea how it feels like for her, but she usually doesn't cry and if she did it means that I really hurt her.

"I don't know why I got so emotional." She says and dabs her eyes.

"I love you." I say and look at her perfect curvy pink lips. I really want to kiss her right now, but I don't want to cause another problem.

"And I love you." She says with sincerity that makes my heart leap. She leans forward and kisses my lips, very sweetly, in a very intimate way. I'm so relieved that she's not angry at me. I don't know what I would've done if she didn't forgive me right now. I lay down on her chest and she runs her fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp. I listen to her heart beating and hug her tightly. I'm never going to make her cry again, never. This feeling inside of me stings. Guilt and regret. It's a horrible feeling.

"Let's watch a movie." She says a moment later.

"What do you want to watch?" I ask her propping myself up with my hands.

"You choose." She says. I blink a couple of times in disbelief, that for the first time she told me to choose a movie.

"Okay." I say and climb out of the bed to retrieve my laptop.

I choose an action movie, because I know that it would make her forget about her problems and actually enjoy herself. My point is proven when I finally hear her laugh and that's the most beautiful sound in the world.