Bound by Honour [Part I & II]

63

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I scribbled on the paper, heavy-hearted.

"Isn't that a bit morbid?" My eldest brother asked, eyeing the drawing in front of me. I shrugged a shoulder, not caring what they thought of my drawing.

"Lilah told me to express how I feel. I'm not going to draw rainbows and fucking unicorns." I scowled, glancing up at my brother. Chance sat quietly on my other side, waiting for Milo and Cameron to come back with food. Praying, likely.

"You're fantasizing about being with him, Maisie. I'm not stupid."

"Never said you were, did I?" Ignoring his comment, because it was true. I fucking daydreamed about reuniting with my twin. I wanted to be with my brother, dead or alive. The overwhelming pain in my body never went away, grieving a peace of who I am taken away the worst way.

"That's not healthy-"

"Would you like to pretend I'm okay?" I hissed, my fist tightening around the pen. "I won't pretend I'm okay being on Earth without him."

I didn't care if Chance stood right there, listening to what I said. He could put me back on suicide watch for all I cared. Jaime cleared his throat, trying to gain my attention. I dropped my pen, not bothering to look up and downed the pills Chance placed on the tray. Except one, which kept me sleepy. I was tired of being a zombie. But no one listened to me.

"I don't want that, it makes me too sleepy," I stated, shaking my head. Milo sighed. He couldn't complain much because I'd done everything he'd asked today without much whining and arguing. One pill shouldn't matter, shouldn't make a difference. I didn't care anymore anyway. I had slipped into a dark hole of loss and sadness, a stupid pill couldn't save me now.

"I don't want to be a zombie, Chance,"

"Okay," he mumbled, "it'll be here if you need it."

I won't, I wanted to say but continued to draw, ignoring them both. I had my hand reaching for a skeleton hand, representing Ashton. Our fingertips were just inches away. I had been inches away from death, from being with my twin, my rock, my person for eternity.

Cameron took that away from me. He took away my chance to be with Ashton. Now, he barely trusted me to go to the bathroom myself. It'd been two days, and my brothers were still cautious and strict. It caused arguments between me and Cameron, with Jaime and Sebastian too.

Everyone is walking on eggshells around me, because I had random outbursts. I'd start crying and yelling and shaking, dying from a heart attack. Or at least that's what it felt like.

I didn't want to live without Ashton, how can they not understand that? They won't ever understand the continuous stab in my heart, where someone that made me whole would never walk on this earth again. I am never going to be whole again.

I am never going to be whole again.

How am I supposed to live without my twin? Ashton was my other half, we shared everything growing up. Mom made us where matching

Everyone was here now, even Hazel and Harry, in the depths of the Black Bulls territory, in a low funded clinic they took their members to when they were sick or injured. It took me a while but I managed to discover why my brothers trusted them so much. Charlotte, our families doctor, was Jocelyn's sister. Jaime must have been paying her good money for her to follow us around.

Noel had gone AWOL. I had no idea where he went after leaving my side as I bled out. Where did he go?

Cameron entered the room with McDonalds. The smell of greasy fries made my taste buds jump for joy. He noticed my eyes light up and smirked. "You can have everything in this bag if you take a short walk with me. Just to get you up and walking. Okay?"