Bound by Honour

77

***

I tightened my grip around Noel's waist.

We had been on the road for at least half an hour, moving along the hills and I had no idea where we were going. What would I say when we finally stopped? What did he want to say? Why did he come back?

I was embarrassed, angry and cold.

Goosebumps ran down my arm at the breeze whipping at my bare skin. I should have brought a jacket. That alone made me more irritated, realizing Jaime must have known Noel had planned this, which made no sense. Like at all. 

We took a sharp turn and drove down a dirt road and into a clearing.

He offered his hand. I took it, reluctant, and stepped away from him.

"Why did you bring me here?" I asked, confused. "You gonna go and leave me?"

He sighed, meeting my stare. "I deserve that."

"Damn right, you do," I hissed. "You left me. No calls, no texts, not even a fucking note. Why are you even here? What happened?"

"I'm sorry, Maisie. I will explain, everything. Just hear me out, please."

"Why did you leave? And don't you dare say it was to protect me, or I'll break your jaw," I snapped.

"No ... it's, more than that. I'm scared."

"You're scared... Scared to love me?"

"No ... loving you is ... that's not it, it's more than that," he murmured, shaking his head. "Loving you is amazing."

"Noel,  please, tell me," I whispered, despite my annoyance with him, my anger I  held towards him, I wanted to hear him out. "Talk to me, please."

He glanced up, his eyes glistening, and he rubbed his mouth. "I'm not scared of loving you, Maisie ... I'm scared of losing you."

"You won't lose me ... I promise," I said, heart clenching as my vision blurred with unshed tears. "You won't."

"You can't fucking promise me that, Maisie," he growled, wiping his tears away with a rough swipe. "You can't promise something like that. You throw yourself into danger without a second thought. You don't think about us - your brothers, Sebastian, Evie, Isobet, Eden, me. You dive headfirst into danger and it seems like you don't care what happens to you."

"I care what happens to me, it takes time" I murmured, blinking back tears. "I am learning to love myself, Noel. I've learned that love is hard, but worth the risk of being hurt because at least it's something real and nobody can take that away."

He blinked, tilting his head skywards. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Maisie. I  shouldn't have left you like that," he said, squeezing his eyes shut.  "Will you forgive me?"

"Will you leave again?"

"Not willingly," he said, staring at me again with a sombre gaze. I studied his face, getting a better look now that I had a chance. Dark circles were under his eyes, hair mussed, and I wondered if he had slept at all the last few days. "I'm sorry, Maisie."

I  took a deep breath, shuddering as a gust of wind picked up. "I forgive you, Noel," I said, nodding and offering a small smile. "Tell me what's going on, please."

His eyes closed again and he ran a hand over his hair, smoothing it down. "I wasn't entirely truthful with you, about what happened with Eric."

Eric, his mother's boyfriend.

"What is the truth?" I deserved that much, right?

"Eric killed his ex-wife, Cecilia. He was violent and abusive. One day, he came home drunk after losing his job. Cecilia told him she'd divorce him if he didn't get his act together and he beat her to death," he explained and I felt my heart skipped, the story hitting too close to home. "I know this because he bragged about getting away with it while he beat the shit out of me."