Bound by Honour

15

The room was too small, the air too thick. My chest heaved, and no matter how much I tried to suck in a breath, it wasn't enough. It felt like the walls were creeping closer, pressing in, threatening to swallow me whole. My hands shook as I gripped the sides of the hospital bed, my knuckles white, but it did nothing to ground me. Everything was spinning, blurring around me, and my heart was racing, hammering so hard it felt like it was about to explode.

I couldn't think. My thoughts were tangled, suffocating, the panic so intense it drowned out everything else. The edges of my vision blurred with dark spots, and my pulse throbbed in my ears, loud and erratic.

"I can't—" I gasped, my voice barely audible, my throat closing as if the very air around me was too thick to breathe in. My fingers clawed at my chest, trying to loosen the crushing weight that seemed to tighten with every passing second. My body shook, tremors running through me as I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling like the ground might open up and pull me under at any second. "Fucking hell."

I could hear the soft beeping of the machines beside me, each sound echoing louder and louder in my head, pushing me further into the panic that gripped my body. The walls, the ceiling, everything felt too close, like they were closing in, trapping me in this nightmare I couldn't escape.

"Maisie... hey, hey, look at me." Cameron's voice cut through the pounding in my ears, but I could barely register it over the crushing weight in my chest. His hand cupped my chin, gently forcing me to meet his eyes as the walls seemed to close in around me. My heart pounded violently, each beat like a hammer in my chest, and my breaths came in short, shallow gasps, leaving me dizzy and lightheaded.

"I can't—" I choked out, my hands shaking uncontrollably as I clawed at my chest, desperate for air. My vision blurred, dark spots dancing at the edges. It felt like the room was shrinking, pressing in on me from every side. "I can't breathe."

"Yes, you can," Cameron said, his voice firm but soft, staying calm as he leaned closer. "You can breathe, Maisie. Just focus on me, okay? Right here." He took my trembling hands in his, giving them a reassuring squeeze. "Breathe with me. In for five... come on, out for three - you've got this."

I tried to focus on his words, on the warmth of his hands grounding me, but the panic was relentless, suffocating. My chest felt tight, like a band wrapped around my lungs, refusing to let me breathe right. The walls around us seemed to be spinning, everything blurring together into a dizzying mess.

"Maisie," Cameron said again, his voice firmer this time, pulling me back from the spiral. His forehead pressed against mine, his breath steady, his presence solid and unwavering. "You're safe. I'm here. Just breathe with me, okay? Five seconds in, and three out. I know it feels impossible, but you can do this."

I swallowed hard, forcing myself to try, to match his breaths. In for five... out for three. I could feel my body trembling, but I latched onto the steady rhythm of Cameron's voice, the anchor I so desperately needed.

"Good," he whispered, his thumb brushing against the back of my hand. "You're doing good, Maisie. Keep going. You're not alone, okay? You're safe and I am right here."

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I didn't fight them this time. The tightness in my chest began to loosen, the suffocating feeling easing just a little as I focused on Cameron, on his calm voice, his steady presence. He was right there, holding onto me like I wasn't drowning in my own panic.

"I'm here," Cameron repeated, his voice a lifeline as my breathing slowly, shakily, began to even out. "I'm not going anywhere. You're safe with me. Just breathe."

I nodded weakly, my chest still aching but no longer feeling like it might burst. My breaths were still uneven, but they were coming easier now, slower. Cameron's forehead stayed pressed to mine, grounding me, reminding me I wasn't alone in the chaos swirling inside my head.