Bound by Honour

29

I stared at the ground for a long time, a total disaster on the inside while trying not to show my brothers how really messed up this made me. I felt like my lungs were being ripped from my chest, a sharp pain radiating from my heart.

"How long?" I asked, a whisper in the wind. I looked up at my older brother for answers "How long does she have?"

Cameron closed his eyes, a frightful tremble in his bottom lip. "Three months. Maybe longer."

"She's in the hospital." Jaime shifted."

"Is she doing treatment? Chemotherapy?"

My brother rested his hands on the railing. "No. She decided to stop. It makes her sicker and the last round didn't help anyway. The cancer has spread to her lungs," he said, speaking softly, as if the words would hurt me. They did hurt, but it wasn't his fault.

I felt my chest tighten, breathing seemed impossible. You weren't enough.

"Maisie, are you okay?" Jaime asked, peering down, and I closed my eyes so he wouldn't see the heartbreak in them.

I shook my head. "I can't breath. I, I, ... " I trailed off, running a hand through my hair. The movement felt wrong, my hand clutching my neck. I closed my eyes, gasping, and his fingers squeezed my windpipes.

"We are better off without that cowardice bitch," he snarled, and with a force that I didn't know possible, he shoved me into the wall. He spun around, boots heavy against the kitchen tiles. The front door slammed shut, rattling the glass plates on in the cupboards.

Alone, I curled up into a ball, clutching my neck. It would bruise, no doubt. A sob escaped and tears flowed from my eyes, the pain his hands left not near as bad as the pain in my heart. The pain of losing my mom made a hole in my chest, like someone reached in and plucked my heart out. Dead. My mom killed herself.

"Maisie, baby, I need you to come back to me," a soft voice said, and my eyes focused, tears blurring the face. "You're having a flashback. Can you hear me?"

I blinked, gasping for breath. Cameron crouched in front of me. "Maisie," he murmured, "its okay. Can you take a few deep breaths for me, please?"

"I, I don't - know how," I whispered, raspy. Somehow I ended up sitting on the wooden stained deck, my back against the deep red stone of the house.

"Yes, you do." My brother took my hand, gently pressing it against his chest, over his heart, and held it there. "Focus on me, okay?"

"I can't ... my chest," I wheezed,

"Focus on my voice. Just breath, in and out," he coached. "In and out, you can do it. That's it." I began to feel air in my lungs again, the feeling of doom fading.

My brother helped me stand, pulling me close, kissing the top of my head. "I love you, Mase," Cameron said, his voice raw with sadness.

"I love you too, Cam," I mumbled into his shirt. "Did anyone see?"

"No, just Jaime and I." 

Thank the Lord. "Don't tell Ash."

He tilted his head. "I won't but why?"