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i sat with my back against ashtrays bed, on the floor and ashtray sitting not too far away from me. i didn't know what to say, i hadn't even told him what happened, im sure he knew anyway, though.
i played with my fingers as i looked at the wall, all the things i had witnessed not even an hour ago replaying in my head.
it wasn't like i hadn't saw i dead body before, i saw mouse.. but i only got a glance, ashtray moved me out of the way. but this time it was my mom, and i saw everything.
i don't know what's worse, the fact i didn't know what happened, or the fact i felt guilty about it. i know it's not my fault, but somewhere in my mind i believe that if i had just showed up sooner, she would've been alive right now.
"she left me a letter." i spoke up, pulling the letter out of my hoodie pocket, placing it on the floor near him.
dry tears on my face, i turned to see ashtray already looking at me, his hands resting on his knees. i let out a breathe, "i saw everything, ash.. i mean, she.." i stopped, it being hard to say the things i wanted.
he scooted closer, wrapping his arms around me. it was obvious he didn't know what to say, and i didn't expect him to try him comfort me or anything, but he was trying.. and that's all that matters.
"she told me to keep you." i chuckled a little, my head resting on his shoulder now.
"what?" he talked way quieter than usual, his hand going up and down my back in a comforting manner.
"i don't know, she said you seemed to really like me." i shrugged, and after a second he nodded.
we sat there, together, neither of us saying a word but he continued to rub my back and i grew tired. "i'm tired." i spoke softly, and slowly moved out of his embrace.
he nodded, and stood up, putting his hand out for me to grab and i did. as i was about to pull my hand away from his, his grip tightened and i looked at him again.
"did you get hurt?" he asked, and i looked down at my hands.
"no.. that's- that's not mine." i tried wiping my hand on my hoodie but the blood was already dried, so ashtray lead me to the bathroom and told me to wash my hands, and after i changed.
"what are you doing?" i asked, walking back in my room to see ashtray laid on my bed.
"laying down?" he spoke in a sarcastic tone, and i smiled.
"okay." i laid next to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.
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it was clear ashtray had told fezco something, by the way he kept trying to be careful with the things he said and told me, and i didn't like that.
"i'm fine, fez. relax." i patted his shoulder, and he rolled his eyes.
"yeah, bullshit." and pulled me into a hug, and i didn't hesitate to hug him back, but i kept the act and scoffed.
"i will be, okay?" i pulled away, and he nodded in response, before telling me he had to go to the store.
i skipped school today, not feeling with everything that comes with going, and 'surprisingly' ashtray skipped too.
"didn't you watch this shit a long time ago?" ashtray sat next to faye and i on the couch.
"yeah." i laughed, remembering he wouldn't watch it because of regina's attitude.
"fuck no." he shook his head, regina popping up on the screen.
"what's this called, again?" faye asked.
"mean girls." i answered, laughing at ashtray.
"why didn't you go to the store with fez?" i asked ash, i knew exactly why, i just wanted to hear him say it.
"didn't feel like it." he shrugged, lying straight to my fez.
"mhm." i teased, elbowing him.
"deadass." he grabbed my arm so i didn't elbow him anymore, and i rolled my eyes.
"i think i'm gonna go hangout with anna and hazel later." i told him, and he whipped his head to me.
"what?" i asked, keeping a straight face.
"no." he shook his head, as if he could tell me what to do.
in all honesty i hadn't talked to either of them today, and i didn't feel like going anywhere. but i knew ashtray stayed home for me, so saying i was going anywhere would piss him off.
"no?" i turned my body in his direction, and he scoffed, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
"stay home, with me." he mumbled the last part, but since he had pulled my closer i heard it, and laughed.
"not shits funny, mal." he rolled his eyes at my teasing.
"aww." faye spoke up, for a bit i forgot she was next to me.
"fuck off." ashtray shook his head.
AUTHORS NOTES:
i hate this and i have no clue how to end this shit 😔 HELP MEEEEEE
