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surprisingly enough, the day i decided to go back to school, sage had a huge smile on her face as she stood next to some guy i didn't know, and a group of people that the guy seemed to know.
the group all stood around by one of their lockers, as hazel, anna and i stood at mine, eyeing sage and the group from afar.
i couldn't deny that i was jealous.. seeing my old friend standing next to a group of people, almost as if she completely forgot the three of us looking at her, even existed.
hearing hazel scoff, i turned and closed my locker, chuckling to myself a little as i remembered their fight. "whatever, i'm gonna go to class." anna waved both hazel and i bye, and then shortly after hazel walked off too, and i made my way to first hour.
i plopped down in my seat, glancing over to amelia who still sat next to me, but she kept her eyes straight, not daring to even glance at me.
i let out a chuckle, which made her turn her head, "something funny?" and this made me smile, some things never change.
"nope." i shrugged, leaning back, she eyed me with a suspicious look but eventually turned back straight and waited for the teacher to start teaching.
lexis play was tomorrow, i was honestly shocked that she went through with it after her many calls with fezco, asking if she should go through with it. something about people getting their feelings hurt, i don't know.
i told lexi i would go, along with fez and of course dragging ashtray along... probably not faye, i don't think she actually liked lexi much.. jealously?
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i tapped my nails along my desk in my room, the letter my mom wrote me sat on it, and i was nervous to read it. but i figured i had put it off long enough, and i should just go for it.. so here i am.
"stop being a pussy." ashtray said from behind me, making me roll my eyes. he insisted on staying in my room as i read it, he said he was just bored.. but i don't believe that.
"okay..." i mumbled to myself, and unfolded the paper. reading the first line, my heart dropped and i felt more nervous.
hi, malani. i don't really know where to start, i hope i get to tell you all this myself so you don't have to read this.. but for whatever reason, i dont, i hope you read it, at least once.
i'm going to start from the top, you deserve to know why i left you.
i took a deep breathe before reading anymore, knowing that i'd be knowing the truth about my mom.
junior year i got hooked on drugs because of some guy i fell in love with, and after he cheated on me, i started sleeping with guys left and right and ended up getting pregnant with you.
"wow." i mumbled to myself.
after feeling guilty about not knowing who your dad was and the stress from school, i dropped out before the year was over. it was the dumbest thing i could've done, because of it your grandma kicked me out. she was big on staying in school, doing well in life.
i was still pregnant with you though, so i stayed with some friends for awhile, but i didn't have a job to pay them back, and their parents thought i was a bad influence.. being pregnant and with my addiction. so after awhile i was homeless again.
and the rest of the time i was pregnant with you i thought hard about what the right choice would be, and knowing i had no job and i wouldn't be able to take care of you, i went to california and took you to marie. she was your grandmas old friend.
i felt guilty because of though, knowing my daughter is probably going to grow up wondering why her mom abandoned her and so i left, and my addiction got worse, but i felt better knowing you were getting taken care of.. but i am so sorry that i did it, anyway.
if you ever do read this,even if you do hate me, i love you.
i wiped the tears off my face and put the letter down, with a little chuckle. ironic how her last words were "i love you" in both the letter and in real life.
i felt arms wrap around my neck and pull me into a hug, and smiled knowing it was ashtray. "you okay?" he pulled away and moved over so he could see my face.
"yeah.. i am, softie." i punched his shoulder playfully with a smile, and folded up the paper again before putting it on top of my notebook.
he rolled my eyes, before pulling me to the living room where faye was watching a movie, and we joined her.
