How To Kill Ryder Blake (COMPLETED)

{Fifteen} Shout, Shout, Let It All Out

Standing in the middle of a cemetery in the pouring rain at ten at night was on my own personal bucket list of things I NEVER wanted to experience. Of course, Ryder hadn't given me any indication where we were going, and when we finally got there, it was too late to turn around and drive back home. I sat in the car for a good ten minutes before he was able to convince me to get out and follow him.

We stopped toward the back of the cemetery, in front of a large headstone, surrounded in dozens roses. I didn't have to read the name engraved in it to know who's tombstone we were standing in front of. After a moment, Ryder sat down and touched his trembling fingertips to the petals of one of the roses.

"There's a part of me that wants to be buried right here next to her so that we'll always be together." Ryder stated his thoughts aloud. "But the other part doesn't want a bunch of money wasted just for me to rot in the ground. That part wants to be cremated and have my ashes spread over all my favorite places."

I reached out and rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I understand, Ryder. But that's not something you have to—"

"But it is." He interrupted. "This is something I have to think about, Zoey."

"She would be so proud of you guys." I said softly. "I mean, a little disappointed by some of the dumb stunts you guys pull, but all and all she'd be proud. Both of you graduated high school, I'm sure you've been accepted to a couple colleges, and—"

He nodded, throwing me a sad smile over his shoulder. "I got into UCLA. But, I'm about to just tell them to give my spot to someone else. There's no point in having false hope."

"I got in there too." I replied. "And my friends got in to USC. So we won't even be in the same school. I'll be starting over."

"You'll be okay. Everyone loves you, Zoey. It'll be easy for you to just up and leave and start over." He shifted his body in my direction, nudging my shoulder. "Turn around."

I frowned, ready to speak, but the words died in my mouth when I saw the beautiful lightning dancing across the sky behind me. Pulling my phone out, I quickly took a picture and slid it back into my pocket before it could get soaked. Ryder was quiet next to me, knees pulled up to his chest, arms stretched around them, and chin resting on top. He looked so young, so vulnerable and innocent, that I didn't want to disturb the peace by speaking.

I never would have thought I'd find a kindered spirit, a peace, with Ryder Blake. Yes, his dumb stunts nearly gave me a heart attack, but when he wasn't be a complete adrenaline junkie idiot who made annoying comments, he was actually sweet. He was genuinely a decent person, just scared and in fear of dying, though he'd never say it out loud.

"Ryder, I'm going to say something, and I want you to promise me you won't lose it." I broke the silence a few minutes later.

He didn't move from his position, but looked toward me, his eyes prompting me to go on.

"I think you should check yourself into the hospital." I breathed out, not looking at him. "I know you waited a while, and maybe the cancer has spread beyond help, but it's something. It's a chance for you to live."

"It's a chance for me to be doped up and lose myself completely, then die." He retorted angrily. "I've thought about doing it hundreds of times, Zoey. Ryan has tried to convince me. But I'm not doing it. I don't want to follow the same path my mom did."

I had to swallow the lump in my throat so my voice wouldn't crack mid sentence. "So you'd rather just keep going, keep doing all this crazy shit until you can't? Until your last breath? And what happens to Ryan then, Ryder? Cade? Me?"