How To Kill Ryder Blake (COMPLETED)

{Twenty-Two} I Guess I'm Gone

I expected Ryan to be a mess for the week following Ryder's death, but he was handling everything surprisingly well and it was scaring me. I knew that deep down he was hurting beyond belief. I also knew that my episode at the hospital last Thursday probably played a big part in him feeling as though he had to pretend to be okay. He was more worried about my well being than his own and that wasn't going to end well.

My friends and Cade spent the week packing for college, as there was only about a week and a half before school started and Mr. and Mrs. Park had insisted Max go and get settled in a few days earlier, and since he and Gabby had gotten really cozy sometime over the last couple weeks, they were going together. Cade hadn't said much to me outside of asking about the service and funeral details, but he was the only person that I knew that'd be at UCLA and I needed to try and break the ice so we had one another next month and weren't just tossed in to the shark tank.

Now, as I watched Ryan pulling clothes from Ryder's drawers and setting them in a tubs, I felt a tightening in both my stomach and my chest. He'd been overworking himself with all of this and had hardly gotten any sleep.

"I talked to Cade this morning." Ryan broke the tense silence, his bare back still tome. "Said you two are talking about going in on an apartment together."

I was taken back by the words, mostly because he hadn't mentioned the other elephant prancing around the room the last week. We hadn't ever talked about what would happen with us once Ryder passed, we'd never sat down and questioned if it was just a summer fling or if we'd want it to be something more. I had wanted to, but there were far more important things to worry about the relationship crap. It seemed like Ryan didn't feel the same way.

"You're just going to take off, three hours away, and live with another guy?" he continued, finally turning around so his eyes were burning into mine. He'd grown tense again, and every muscle in his biceps seemed to harden as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I can't afford dorms or an apartment on my own, Ryan."

He remained quiet for a second before he shook his head. "You could have asked me."

"Asked you what? You aren't even attending the school?"

"And? My girlfriend is." I blinked, staggering back a fraction hearing the words said aloud. "You think there's anything left for me here, Zoey? Everything I loved is gone. Being here is just a constant reminder of that."

I shifted on my feet, speechless for a good five minutes before saying, "Moving in together is a huge step, Ryan."

One I wasn't sure if I was comfortable with.

"You've been sleeping in this house, in my bed, for the last two months, Summers." he looked ready to roll his eyes. "We pretty much already do live together."

He wasn't wrong.

"I have money, Zoey." he finally dropped his arms limply to his sides and crossed the room to me. "I can help with the apartment. Hell, I don't care if Cade's there, but I. . . I want to be too. I don't want this to just. . . just end like everything else in my fucking life, you know?"

I extended my hand and touched it to his cheek. "It won't."

"He's such an asshole." There it was. The crack that I'd been anticipating for the last week and a half, finally spreading. "How could he do this?"

I didn't know how to respond verbally, so I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head against his chest. I felt his hand against my back moments later, but he didn't say anything else.