...does this seem familiar to you?

Subject: Mark Fischbach

LOG NINETEEN
Date: 10/29
Time: 9:40 PM
Dr. Beck Remediis
(they/them)
Lead Medic of Invincible II

SUBJECT(S): Mark Fischbach

SECTION: Head Engineer

TEXT:

Mark and I finally got to talk. The past couple of days I could tell he tried to sneak away to the Med-Bay; I would see him walking in the building's direction. Each time, though, he was stopped and pulled away to do something else. The Captain usually asked him to fix something on the other side of the settlement, and that went on since I last saw Mark.

Today, though, he was able to make it over without being noticed. As soon as he arrived he dragged me back into the office and shut the door behind us, locking it while I got over my confusion. He didn't give me any time to ask what he was doing.

"I really need to talk with you about what happened on the Invincible II."

The statement wasn't shocking and it made his actions make sense. I nodded and motioned for him to continue talking as we both took a seat.

"The Captain lied to you," he told me. "The last time they were here, when they told you that last universe they visited, they didn't tell you the truth."

"How—how could you know that?"

Mark glanced away and twiddled with his fingers as he took a deep breath.

"I was outside the door, listening in on you two."

"You what?!"

"I didn't mean to!" He put his hands up defensively. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop! We couldn't find the Captain, and I needed their opinion about something, and someone said they'd seen them come in here, so I walked in! And I was gonna knock, I promise I was! But I heard them talking about... about what happened up there, and I... I caught them talking about the last few universes they visited. Especially the ending in the Warp Core.

"They weren't honest to you. Or anyone, really, but it was for good reasons! We didn't want anyone to worry. You know? So neither of us told anyone what happened; I just thought it all would go away! It was over, what harm could it do to not say anything! You know? We just tried to move on with our lives and focus on building our new settlement. I, I didn't think anyone else besides us would remember. I didn't know they would start to remember!"

It was at that point that I put my hands up and stopped him.

"Wait. Hold on, you remember what happened up there too?"

"Huh? Yeah, I did. I probably should've led with that. Why?"

"Because I thought you didn't know either and were gonna start experiencing the memories too; the Captain made me promise not to say anything to you." Had he not heard that part?

Mark let out a terse laugh.

"Ha. What a joke. Like I could forget what happened up there."

"Well, um... anyway. Go on."

"Right. Where was I?"

"Why don't you explain what the Captain was lying about? I already know about covering up the memories."

Mark nodded and bit his lip.

"Yeah. Okay. The last time they spoke to you, the Captain said that they found me in the Warp Core and that we closed the wormhole together. But... that wasn't what happened. At all.

"I don't know if they told you how the wormhole was created at all. It got opened because of the Warp Core. When we used it it ripped open the biggest, most destructive wormhole in the universe. And when they saw me in the Warp Core after they spoke with an older me, what they saw was me building the Warp Core in different universes. Each overlapping one another. I knocked them out with a fire extinguisher as they were distracted.

"When they woke up, I took the crystal out of their palm and put it into the Warp Core. It's what powered the device after all. So I, I put it into the machine and I engaged it so I could... so I could fix everything. The Captain had to throw sand in my eyes to distract me and they tried to shut down the machine but they couldn't. They went to take the crystal out of the machine, and I tried to stop them. But a wormhole opened above us, and it was going to pull me in and take me to another universe, and I thought I could fix it like that. But the Captain held onto my hand and they refused to let go.

"They didn't let me go. And they threw the crystal into the wormhole. The Warp Core shut down and the wormhole closed. I didn't understand at first, I thought that the Captain had destroyed any chance of fixing the universe. Each time I died, I thought I had to rebuild the Warp Core and go back. So I rebuilt the Warp Core every time, and when they shut it down, I confronted them about it. I thought rebuilding the Warp Core was what was gonna save the multiverse. But it wasn't. When we didn't die immediately I realized that the Warp Core is what caused the universes to collapse, over and over and over again.

"And it was all my fault," Mark said, voice cracking as tears pooled in his eyes. He doesn't make eye contact with me. "It was my fault because I'm the one who built the Warp Core. Initially I, I thought it was just something we found and brought onto the ship! That was how I remembered it when I met the Captain! But no. I built it. It was my fault that universes were destroyed. That people died. That everything went wrong. The Captain knew better. I broke down when, when I realized it was all my fault.

"We, um, we died, one more time. That universe had to reset, you know? And uh, we both woke up on the bridge. The Invincible II was fine, not a problem with her. The transport ships were sent out, and the Captain and I stayed on the bridge. I thanked them. For not giving up on me."

Mark paused and wiped his eyes as he sniffed. It takes him a couple minutes before he can bring himself to speak again but I don't care much. I'm too busy trying to process what I was told.

"I've never forgotten about that, any of it. I dream about what happened every single night. My mind doesn't ever let me forget what I said and did. The Captain doesn't want me to remember but I'll never forget it. All the pain and death and destruction I caused. It was all my fault."

I threw all professionalism aside and rushed up from my seat to hug Mark. It was then that I understood why the Captain didn't want me talking to Mark about the memories—because he already knew, and it was killing him.

"I'm sorry, Beck. I know you weren't there and didn't go through any of this but I'm so sorry."

The apology, and the way his voice shook, made me hug him tighter. I wanted to tell him not to be. It's not like he could have known that building the Warp Core would've led to everything that happened. But I said nothing; the right words to say just didn't come to mind and so we stayed there, hugging in silence as he muffled his sobs against my shoulder. I don't remember how long we stayed like that. All I know is at some point he pulled away and wiped his eyes.

"Can I, uh, stay here until my eyes look better? Don't want people asking questions."

"Yeah, of course. Go to the bathroom and dab them with cold water, it'll make the puffiness go away."

Mark nodded and did as I said. He was in the bathroom for several minutes and when he came out, he rushed towards the door. He mumbled something about getting another cup of coffee. I stopped him before he could leave.

"Mark, I don't blame you. For anything."

He nodded and glanced away. When he made eye contact again I noticed how tired his eyes looked.

"Thanks. You and the Captain both."

I didn't try to stop him again as he walked out the door.

END OF LOG