oh my <:'(-- its so sad how i cant live up to simple expectations i have on myself! I started marking off every time I wasnt up to the expectation i have of myself, and thers already like- a lot! Haha! At this point i think once i cant take it anymore i will SH as many marks there are. i know it doesnt make much sense, but if i cant live up to my own expectations, im certaintly not good enough to talk to anyone anymore. Its so easy just to think before you do things and say things, so why do i keep messing up? its alright though, its better when i get punished for my wrong doings isnt it? I barely have any reasons to live anymore. No one would even miss me if i just didnt exist. im so selfish, why dont i care about them? I even made Mari upset with eros because i havent been talking to anyone but eros! Its my fault they dont like eachother now. Everyone would get along better if i wasnt in the way.
Relapse count~! (10:10pm(last night!)-7:42pm(Today!) 30!
