My Messy Life

Chapter 24

I didn't sleep that night. I think it was a mixture of being in a new place and the anxiety of seeing Tim tomorrow. I hated my life being so upside down but if I couldn't find happiness, I'd make it myself. 

"I hate my life," I said to myself, no one, everyone all at the same time. I don't know why any of this happened to me but I wanted to make the best of it. Mike and Brandon weren't going to take my life from me. They were going to give me something to learn and grow from. 

I finally made my first choice in my new life and it was going to be the one I stuck to above all the others. My happiness was my own and I wasn't going to let my past hold me back. 

Waking up the next morning, I felt refreshed. I wanted to get up and not that about being scared or alone for the whole day. I placed a smile on my face and got out of bed. I rummaged through my clothes to find the nicest thing I could find and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I pulled my door open only to see Brian standing there about to knock.

"Oh, good morning. How are you?" I smiled up at him and he smiled back.

"I'm very well, thank you. I was just going to take a shower. Did you need something?"

"I was just going to come tell you that breakfast was ready if you're hungry. Susan is working days at the hospital this week, so it's just you and me." Oh, Brian was worried about me being alone. He was very sweet for a grumpy old man. I reached out to touch his arm while his eyes watched me the whole time. Maybe Brian didn't like to be touched because I stopped myself a few inches from actually touching him.

"I'm just going to shower and then I'll be down."

"Right, great. Don't let me stand in your way." Brian moved out of my way and motioned his hand for me to walk past him. I smiled up at him again and went to the bathroom to shower.

About a half hour later I was downstairs sitting at the kitchen table with Brian. Neither of us were speaking and the tension was out of control. I needed to find a job because I don't think I could stand this every morning.

"So, any big plans today?" Brian set his coffee cup down as I spoke and cleared his throat.

"No, actually I was going to head into town. Do you want to join me?"

"I don't want to be a burden and you don't have to babysit me. I'll be alright on my own."

"I didn't mean it like that. I know you're very capable of taking care of yourself. I was just instructed to get you a cell phone and maybe some bathroom items? Susan said girls need a phone and toiletries and I do whatever my wife says. Happy wife, happy life." I couldn't help but laugh.

"Well I can't have you getting in trouble with Susan on my accord so I guess we're going to the store." Brian picked his coffee back up and nodded once to me before drinking his coffee again.

"I'm just going to finish getting ready. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Take your time. I'm in no rush." I picked up my dishes and quickly rinsed them off and placed them in the dishwasher. I went to my room to get a sweater and put my shoes on. I was so thankful to be wearing my own clothes again and to have more than two outfits to choose from. I felt bad that Susan and Brian were spending their money on me so I was going to do something to repair their kindness.

I put my hair back in a ponytail and checked myself in the mirror. I wasn't wearing any makeup and after looking at myself I think maybe I should. My eyes were too large for my face and I had small dark circles around my eyes. Maybe I shouldn't go out. I looked like the walking dead. I touched my face and took a deep breath, hating what was looking back at me. I needed to stay positive though. No more sadness and dread.