The Same History

Chapter 8

Bucky started eating his sandwich. I was still sitting there staring at my waffle. "Have you lost your appetite?" Bucky asked and grinned. "Or did I steal that?" I just looked at him until I somehow found my language again. "No, I've been thinking." I said quickly and hoped he didn't hear it completely. Then I started eating my waffle. He watched me eat. "What is it?" I asked annoyed. He grinned even more, "Can't I watch a beautiful woman?" "No", I said at once, looking at the women at the bar. The two were arguing and I listened to them.

"Do you think she knows how old he is?" "Have you ever looked at her? She might be 18 or something". "Stop, she seems nice". "Nice, she growled at me". "No person growled. You just imagined that".
"Who are you listening to?" Looked at me curiously. "I'm not eavesdropping on anybody." I raised my hands to show him I didn't do anything. "You're eavesdropping on the women at the bar, right?" I didn't respond. "Y/N, that's not right. You respect people's private conversations here." He looked at me seriously and tried to seem friendly. "They talk about me, so I can listen there. Oh, and about you." I leaned over the table with him. "So what did you have with each other?" I looked him in the eye. He lost his smile and I felt sorry. But I wanted to know. "Or don't you trust me? I'm supposed to trust you, so someone has to make a start". I said to him and we both didn't lose eye contact.

We stared at each other for several minutes until he breathed in loudly. In his eyes I saw that he was trying, he was trying to trust me and something else but I don't know that. "We had a date and a few small meetings before that". "Not anymore?" "No, not anymore". "Then I don't understand why she sees you as her property". "Because she doesn't want to believe that we're not going to work." I nodded. "So will you stop eavesdropping on those two?" I nodded again. As long as we were both sitting here in the cafe, I didn't try to listen. But when we left, I listened again. "She should find someone her age!" But she almost screamed and Bucky got it too. He looked at her and I also saw the look on his face. It looked as if he was disappointed and had hoped for more from her. I just kept going.

I know that look all too well. I've been looked at like this every time I've won Ruby in a fight. I should lose to her because she was supposed to impress everyone. I should learn to lose so I can learn to forget my feelings. They were trying to make me feel emotionless.
"Y/N, don't take this to heart. She"... said Bucky, running after me. "All right, I don't care about that. I've heard a lot worse." I just kept running and didn't look at him. "Do you still want to go to town or"... he asked me, but I smelled someone I know too well. I looked around and saw Liam and Ruby. The two were arguing with each other. They didn't see that I saw them. "Back", I said, wondering what they were up to. I couldn't listen to them, so there's too many things going on in my head. "What?" Bucky asked. "Back to headquarters", I growled at him. He held my arm tightly and looked me in the eyes again. "What's going on?" he asked me in a more serious voice. I got goose bumps and knew I couldn't lie to him. He'd know. "I or we are being watched. Maybe even persecuted", I said quietly to him. I felt a burden falling off me and I looked at him that he was proud, proud of me. "Why are you so sure?" he asked in his soft voice. "I smell them and I know them." I pointed in their direction and he looked at them inconspicuously. His face got serious and he took my hand. On the motorcycle, he gave me my helmet and put me on it. He looked again and drove off.

He hasn't spoken a word to me since we arrived at headquarters. I tried to talk to him, but he ignored me. We were sitting in the living room and I left a book. Or I tried. I had thoughts like, "He knows it's all a game." or "Does he think I'm being persecuted and everything I've told is true?" On the one hand, I got my mission from Hydra, and on the other hand, Mala told me to put it behind me and live. So die or live? It was in the book. "To die or to live? What do you choose, if you could. Do you stay true to your supposed family or do you trust your new family you haven't known for long. Choose wisely! You can't change it, because then you'll lose everything and be alone." I don't know what to do. I've never been well treated at Hydra, but...

"Mr. Barnes?" said a male voice. I looked in his direction. He was sitting across from me at the other end of the couch. "Yes?" "The delivery is here. Someone has to sign this." He gave him a clipboard. I looked at the book again. Why did I choose this? "Y/N, are you coming?" Is he talking to me again? But I didn't look up from the book. "Y/N!" He really meant me and I had to stop smiling. I looked up and looked at him. "I'll wait here. I don't have to watch them unload it, you'll manage it", I said and looked into the book again. Even though I didn't read anything. "You shall not come for that", he said, annoyed. "And for what then?" I asked just as annoyed. "We admit it all." That's why he can talk to me again. I then put the book aside and stood up. I said nothing and went out. "Other direction." I heard his voice, with a trace of his pool. I ran the other way with Bucky.

Bucky and I cleared out the food shipment in the kitchen. I've also learned that there are other things, not just food. Then after a while, I heard walking and said, "I think the others are back". "So fast? I thought they'd be back at night". Bucky said more to himself. Natasha came into the kitchen and I smiled at her. But when I saw the others, I got scared. I was blown up. That was my first thought. I was thinking about what to do next. "Y/N, we need to talk to you." Steve said seriously and looked at me as if he was sad and disappointed. The others also looked sympathetically. "What are you going to do with me now?"I asked, trying to be self-confident. "So you know about the experiment?" Wanda asked. The experiment, they talked about. How did they find out? "Yes, I know it." I said. "Why didn't you tell us you were in contact with the Powerstein? That would have helped... " "Wait, what?" I interrupted Steve and I was totally confused. "You just said you know the experiment! So why didn't you tell us?"Sam asked earnestly. I looked up and looked at everyone. "I know only one experiment that I don't know." I said in a broken voice. It took me a week to stop knowing what to do. Who else am I supposed to believe? Everyone's been lying to me my whole life. Why should I do the mission now? Is that what Mala meant? Maybe I should try to get away from Hydra. Maybe the Avengers will take me in if I tell them the truth. But maybe not, and I'm on my own. What have I got to lose? Nothing more, because one way or another, I know one thing. I'm going to die.

And suddenly everything went black in front of my eyes...