This Kiss

Chapter 137

After dinner with the Rivera's, Ava and Rafe drove them back to the hotel while Olivia and Natalia got Emma into bed and then headed out to the bench on the porch, the one they had spent so many nights on in the past. They had tried to make it out there while Olivia was recovering, but between her fatigue and pain, it never seemed to happen. Now, Olivia was dead set on getting their routine back. Full workdays, movie night Fridays, and nightly chats on their bench.

Natalia exited the house balancing two mugs of hot chocolate. Olivia looked up at her from her seat and smiled as she reached for her mug. Natalia slipped in beside her on the old wooden bench and let out a contented sigh. The two looked out over their property, both feeling a sense of calm that had been missing as of late. Natalia slid an arm across the back of the bench behind Olivia and pulled her close. Olivia easily molding into her side, her head laying against her shoulder.

The two quietly drank their coco and gazed out over the lawn, just enjoying the peaceful time they had together, even if it was only for a moment in time, it's what life was made of moments. It was several minutes later when Natalia decided it was time for her wife to talk to her. She knew Olivia had spoken to both Ava and Rafe and knew Olivia had to be feeling something about their conversations. If she knew her, which she did, Olivia was more than likely a little overwhelmed.

Natalia rubbed her hand up and down Olivia's arm and kissed her head. "Baby?"

"Yes sweetheart." Olivia answered, not moving from where she comfortably sat against her wife.

"How did your talk with Ava go earlier?"

Olivia knew that Natalia was building up to talking about how Olivia was feeling, part of her wanted to brush her off, but, she did deserve to know how their children were doing, and in truth, she knew she needed to talk to Natalia about how she was feeling as well. She had promised her, all of them really, that she would take better care of herself, do everything she could to stay with them for as long as possible. A big part of that meant not hiding her feelings, emotionally or physically, from her wife.

"Good. She's still worried about my health. I think everything with Frank, and then with your father made her remember just how terrifying the thought is for her. I don't think she actually dealt with those feelings and fears back when I had my transplant."

Natalia gave her arm a gently squeeze. "Do you think she's dealing with them now?"

"I think she's trying to. Back then, she had barely gotten over Max. I think she just kind of stuffed all those fears down as far as she could and they're just now bubbling over. I mean, her and I, we hadn't had a "mother/daughter" relationship for very long. Everything was just so crazy. We finally started having a relationship and then there was everything with Bill and then Max passed away, she went to a mental hospital, she moved to California, and then there I was, just about dying on her. After already losing her adoptive parents. Then when that's over, Jeffery dies, and I have scare after scare with my heart, and then Frank. It's a lot in just a couple of years."

"Yeah, it is. I wish I could have been there for her. For both of you."

"You're here now." Olivia stated, peering up at her from where her head rest.

Natalia kissed her wife's forehead and smiled. "Yes, and I always will be, until the day I die, for her, for you, for all of you."

The two sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before Olivia spoke again. "She told me she remembers what it was like to see me in that hospital, barely alive, and then after, when I just wanted to die. I don't think I realized then, or even after, how hard that must have been for her, and for Emma. I haven't thought about it really, not until after I talked to Ava today. I remember that I wouldn't even look at them. Emma had drawn me a picture and I didn't even acknowledge it. I'm their mother and I left them to deal with their feelings and their fears on their own. How horrible is that?"