Leave Me In Ruins

Again

Stiles walked into the living room; his hair still damp from the shower. His scent hit Derek's nose instantly. It smelled like him.

Derek's, previously tense, shoulders relaxed. It was a comforting smell, his scent all over Stiles.

"So that happened. Again." Stiles gauged Derek's reaction as he stepped closer to the couch where Derek was sitting.

Derek dropped his chin to his chest and let out a huffed laugh. "Yeah."

Stiles bit down on his bottom lip. He was sure Derek could smell the worry on him.

Derek looked up at Stiles with apologetic eyes.

"Look, I really don't think this has to change anything. So we're attracted to each other, that doesn't mean anything. I can acknowledge when someone is attractive, that doesn't mean I want to date them or anything. I'm sure you've felt the same way. And we're friends so we're comfortable with each other. We obviously both wanted to do that and so we did. Why does it have to be anything more. Right?" Stiles waved his hands through the air as he spoke.

Derek pushed down the disappointment as he tried to find the right words.

"You do find me attractive, right? And you wanted to do that too, right?" Panic washed over Stiles. What if he'd completely misread everything.

Derek huffed another laugh. "Yes, I find you attractive and yes I wanted to do that."

Stiles let out a sigh. "Okay good. That was about to be really awkward." He ignored the way his stomach flipped at Derek's admittance.

"And this isn't?" Derek quirked a brow.

Stiles took a seat on the couch next to Derek, being sure to leave plenty of space between them.

"No?"

Derek nodded, dragging his eyes away from Stiles. He was glad Stiles didn't find it awkward, but he felt out of place. Like he didn't know how to act around Stiles now. It was easy to dismiss the first time as an accident, a mistake. But just now? That was intentional.

"You disagree."

Derek looked to Stiles once more, trying to read his expression. His nose was filled with the smell of worry.

"Perhaps awkward isn't the right word."

"This is gonna change things, isn't it?" Stiles' tone was quiet, like he was asking for bad news he knew was coming.

"I don't want it to, but that can't keep happening or..." Derek trailed off unsure of what to say.

"Look, it's like you said right? Two friends benefiting from each other's company."

"So what, when we need company, we just do that?" Derek scoffed like the notion was ridiculous; his eyes falling to his hands. Hands that had less than thirty minutes ago been touching Stiles.

A frown tugged at Stiles' festures. He didn't like Derek's tone. He was upset that they did this again. It was written all over his body language.

"I'll go if you want me to," Stiles didn't have any other words. He didn't know what to tell Derek. That he loved him? That one moment of weakness had brought up years of repressed feelings?

"That's not what I want at all." Derek's head snapped up to look at Stiles.

"Derek, I don't know what you want from me. I'm sorry. It was a mistake. Is that what you want to hear? Because I don't know that that excuse works twice." Stiles threw his hands up as he stood.

"I want to be able to reach out and not worry if you think I'm making a pass at you. I want things to not change either."

"So we move on. Agree that nothing changes and don't let it happen again."