Leave Me In Ruins

What changed

Derek laid next to Stiles in his bed. It was late, nearly two in the morning. Derek hadn't gotten a decent nights sleep in days, and yet he was wide awake. His every sense was honed in on Stiles next to him. The gentle thud of his heartbeat, the steady intake of his breath. It was like a song Derek never wanted to stop listening to.

Stiles wasn't much better. The urge to reach out and comfort Derek was like a burning itch that he just couldn't scratch. Not only did he assume it wouldn't be welcome, but he feared that Derek would take it as a proposition.

"Is this not difficult for you?" Derek finally broke the silence, a frustrated lilt to his tone.

"Knowing that I was used to get to you?" Stiles turned to look at Derek, whose eyes were set on the ceiling.

Derek couldn't help but wince. Of course Stiles wasn't thinking about touching him, about kissing him, or holding him. He was pathetic.

"If you need to be alone, away from me, I understand." Stiles' voice was quiet, like the idea hurt him.

"No," Derek snapped, he rolled to face Stiles, pushing up onto his elbow.

Stiles mirrored him, a curious look on his face.

"I don't want to be away from you. I don't blame you, Stiles."

"Then what are you talking about?" Stiles frowned. Derek was in such a strange mood the past few days.

"Laying here together."

Stiles knew that Derek heard how his heart skipped by the glance to his chest.

"I mean, I've almost reached out a couple times. It's almost become a habit," Stiles laughed nervously, dropping his eyes to the sheets between them. Less than two feet separated them, but it felt like miles.

Derek watched the way Stiles licked his bottom lip, the drop of his eyes to avoid Derek's. He heard the quickened pace of his heart.

"What would you do if we were still..." Derek trailed off. Why was he asking this? He knew it would only hurt him further.

Stiles gave a small smile. "Well, first, I would slide in close to you, card my fingers through your hair, and ask if you were okay."

Derek closed his eyes and imagined Stiles doing exactly that. "I've been better," he whispered.

Stiles bit down on his bottom lip before continuing. "I'd then ask you if you needed to talk, to sleep, or a distraction."

Derek could imagine the way Stiles would trail his fingers along his chest as he spoke, the gentle nudge of his nose in Derek's neck.

Stiles almost wondered if Derek had fallen asleep until their eyes met. There was a pain in Derek's eyes that made Stiles' chest ache. He hated seeing Derek hurt in any way.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything to get rid of that look, when Derek's lips crashed into his, forcing him back onto his pillow. His hand slid through Derek's hair, pulling gently as if on instinct.

Derek savored the feel of Stiles' mouth on his once again. It felt like coming home. It felt like warm sunshine first thing in the morning.

Stiles' fingers trailed along Derek's back, memorizing the slope of his shoulders and the dip of his spine. Derek was hurting. He knew this wouldn't be happening otherwise, but he was happy to oblige. Happy to have Derek one more time.

Derek's lips drug along Stiles' chin and neck. The sweet sound of Stiles' quiet moan as he licked at his throat was such a comfort. He could feel his wolf simmer into submission, like he'd been waiting for this. It reminded Derek how much it hurt to end this the first time. He couldn't keep doing this to himself. It wasn't fair.