Leave Me In Ruins

The whole story

Stiles sat at his kitchen table, a glass of untouched water in front of him. He hated this feeling in his chest. An ache like something was missing. It was strange. He had only felt it a handful of times in his life. After his mom died. His first night at the academy. And now. He woke up and found himself reaching for someone that wasn't there. His ears had searched for the sound of a shower running. His nose sniffed for the smell of coffee being brewed. But there was nothing. He had opened his eyes and remembered where he was. Home. Not at Derek's. He'd asked Derek to drop him off after calling Morgan, claiming to need the rest. It wasn't a total lie, but it wasn't even nine when he got home and climbed into bed.

He had drug himself through the motions of a shower and was now sitting at the table, trying to decide when he'd gotten so dependent on Derek. Was it always like this? Or had sleeping with him caused it? This was the first time he'd not slept at Derek's in a while. He didn't count the night he'd been poisoned. He was too out of it to even know where he was.

A knock at his door shook his thoughts away.

When he pulled it open, he froze. Standing on his porch was Adrian. His clothes were no longer rumpled and covered in dirt. His skin was rich in color and his eyes bright with life. He looked completely fine. No signs that anything had been wrong.

"Stiles." Adrian looked surprised to see him despite the fact that he was at Stiles' house.

"Adrian." Stiles' voice was quiet like he didn't believe what he was seeing. He had intentionally avoided seeing him in the hospital and was sure Adrian wouldn't come looking for him.

"I hope you don't mind me stopping by. Your dad told me where I could find you. Deputy Parrish was taking me home and I asked..." Adrian trailed off, gesturing over his shoulder to the deputy car parked in the driveway.

Stiles swallowed. He knew Adrian wouldn't be at the hospital long, they had kept him and Savannah overnight just in case. However, he hadn't expected it to be so soon, and he definitely hadn't expected him to show up here.

"Derek told me to give you time but—"

"You spoke to Derek?" Stiles cut in. A million questions ran through his mind; Why would Derek see Adrian? What had he said? When had he talked to him?

"Last night, he came into my room."

Stiles frowned. He couldn't imagine what Derek would have to say to Adrian.

"He said you were calling Morgan. I wanted to see you but..." Adrian dropped his eyes.

Stiles swallowed. "I didn't know if you'd want to after..." he trailed off, guilt creeping into his chest.

Adrian took a step forward. "I don't blame you. I know you were drugged too."

Stiles clenched his jaw. Adrian couldn't be this understanding. He didn't know the whole story. He deserved to know the whole story.

"Yeah, but I still left you. I thought I was leaving with Derek and I didn't even tell you."

Adrian sat back on his heels. "Oh." A frown tugged at his brows but Adrian smoothed it away.

Stiles dropped his head. He couldn't bear to see the disappointment on Adrian's face, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

"I— I told you that I understood if they needed you, so..." It was obvious by Adrian's tone that he was trying to rationalize Stiles' decision in a way that didn't hurt.

Stiles looked up and saw the hopeful look in his eyes. He still wanted this. He still wanted Stiles.

Adrian stepped forward, closing the distance between him and Stiles. Panic washed over Stiles as he anticipated a kiss. He froze. But instead of Adrian's lips pressing to his, they pressed to his cheek.

"I still don't blame you," Adrian said close to Stiles' ear.

Stiles closed his eyes. He deserved better. Someone who could care for him the way he cared for Stiles.

"I'm no good for you, Adrian," Stiles whispered, an apologetic lilt to his tone.

"Why?" Adrian asked, he'd pulled back but he was still only a foot from Stiles. A confused frown pulled at his brows.

Stiles didn't want to hurt Adrian, but giving him hope was worse. He deserved the whole Story.

"I'm in love with Derek," Stiles said. He opened his eyes to see Adrian take a step back.

Adrian gave a huffed laugh. "I should have seen that coming." He nodded.

Stiles bit down on his bottom lip. He hated hurting Adrian. He had done nothing to deserve this.

"I'm guessing he feels the same way?" Adrian asked.

Stiles shook his head. "No. But it's not fair to you."

Adrian nodded and took another step back. "Thanks for being honest." He gave a sad smile.

"I'm sorry. If I could help it I would," Stiles apologized. He wanted to reach out and comfort Adrian somehow.

"I get it. " Adrian took another step back.

Stiles didn't know what to say. Adrian had almost lost his life because of Stiles and now he was hurting him again. It wasn't fair.

"I came to see if you were okay and say thank you." He continued to back away.

Stiles frowned.

"They say you found me, so thank you for saving my life." Adrian's smile was forced but Stiles knew his words to be genuine, though he didn't feel worthy of them.

Stiles didn't say anything as he watched Adrian turn and walk back to the car.

He closed the door and leaned his head against it. How stupid could he be? Pining for someone who doesn't feel the same way. Turning away someone who genuinely seemed to like him. He really was doomed to be alone forever.

With a huff, he grabbed his keys. He couldn't stay here. He needed to get out. His first instinct was to go to Derek's but he couldn't. Not after the conversation last night. What if Kai was there?

The thought of Kai laying in his spot in Derek's bed made him nauseous. Images of Derek touching Kai the way he'd touched him forced their way into his mind. He tried to shake them away but his mind continued to supply images of Derek pressing Kai against his shower wall, panting his name.

The urge to see Derek was too much. He needed to know if Kai was with him. Not knowing was always worse.

*AN*
So I'm in a weird writing rut, where I hate everything I write so...this is just gonna have to do. 😕