Leave Me In Ruins

He knew

It was almost like a breath of fresh air, stepping into the loft. Stiles never felt safer than he did there. And not because someone had to go through several flights of stairs, an obnoxiously loud alarm system, and an alpha to get to him. But because it felt like home. He knew where everything was in all the cabinets. He knew what it felt like to fall asleep on the couch. He knew what the sound of rain peppering the large glass window sounded like. He knew the exact spot to put the shower handle to get the perfect water temperature. It was comforting. He never felt unwelcome. Not that he felt that way at home. But his room hadn't changed since high school. The pin pricks in the walls were still visible from countless thumbtacks holding pictures and string. It felt like stepping into a time capsule. It was nostolgic in the same way as eating a favorite treat as a child, only to find it tastes terrible as an adult, fun to remember but never experience again. But sleeping in that room was difficult. Sometimes, just being in there would conjure old nightmares. That didn't happen at Derek's. Despite the many awful things that had happened in the loft, it still felt like home. He wondered if that had more to do with Derek than the loft itself.

A frustrated sigh pulled Stiles from his thoughts.

"What's wrong?" he asked a defeated looking Derek.

"The spare bed is still torn apart." He hadn't bothered to put it back together.

"Oh. That's fine, I can sleep on the couch." Stiles waved a dismissive hand before beelining for the kitchen.

Derek clenched his eyes as Stiles passed him. The smell was too much. It made him feel feral. He didn't like that feeling. He needed Stiles to smell like him or at least not like someone else.

"You can just crash with me. It's not the first time. We both need decent sleep," Derek said, fighting to keep his wolf at bay. It was a pathetic excuse for putting his scent on Stiles, even just a little.

Stiles paused where he was pouring herbs into a small bag. "Is that a good idea?"

"We're both adults," Derek said stiffly. He couldn't help the feel of appreciation and pride at the sight of Stiles making his tea.

Stiles snickered as he resumed his task. "I only meant because you kind of look like you're about to hulk out anytime I get within ten feet of you."

Derek dropped his head. "I didn't realize I was so obvious." Shame welled in his gut.

"I know you, Derek."

Those words were like a vine of thorns wrapping around his heart. Stiles knew him. Better than anyone. He knew everything about him. He knew how he looked when he cried. He knew how he shut down when he was hurt. He knew how quiet he got when he was mad. He knew what his lips tasted like. He knew what he felt like in bed. He knew every mannerism, every look. He knew everything.

"I don't know why," Derek lied, unable to look into Stiles' eyes.

"Probably a possessive thing. I mean, remember how insanely protective Scott was of Allison at first? He was practically feral. Your wolf might not be able to tell that we're not together. I mean, we did sleep together for a while. Can your wolf get used to someone like that if it's not romantic?" Stiles rattled as he steeped the tea bag.

Derek's jaw clenched. Stiles was dangerously close to realizing what he was saying.

"I mean, did you ever feel like this with—" His words were drowned out by the shrill of Derek's phone.

Part of Derek was relieved. The other part wanted to throw the phone out the window. The only thing that made him not throw it out the window was the fact that he knew that particular ring tone.