Leave Me In Ruins

You're in love with Derek

"This is insane," Lydia said as she buckled her seatbelt.

"I want you to focus on the sound of the radio and take me to the library," Stiles said, putting on Cello Suit No.1, prelude.

She glared at Stiles as she put her car in drive. "The library is across town."

"Exactly."

The music started to drift through the car speakers.

"Bach, really?" Lydia rolled her eyes.

Stiles only smiled.

"How do we know this is going to work?"

"We don't. You're just going to stop thinking. Listen to the music and drive." Stiles shrugged as he settled into his seat. He glanced in the side mirror to the pack, shrinking in the distance. Thankfully, they hadn't put up too much fight in letting Stiles and Lydia go alone. It helped that they all felt guilty for not listening to him before.

"How are you feeling?" Lydia asked after a long moment of cello music floating through the car.

"Honestly, I feel great. Not even tired." Stiles shrugged. That was a lie. He was tired, mostly from lack of sleep and less from almost being used as a sacrifice.

Lydia tightened her grip on the wheel. "What about Adrian?" She asked, glancing over at Stiles briefly.

He visibly tensed. "If he dies..."

"It won't be your fault."

"Won't it? I got away, and they went for the guy I was with. I don't think it's a coincidence."

"I do. He went into the parking lot. It was bad timing."

"He went out there looking for me. If I had just told him I was leaving... or if I hadn't left at all..." Stiles scrubbed a hand down his face. He had thought about that over and over. If only he'd stayed.

"You thought you were leaving with Derek."

"How is that better? I was out with Adrian, and I left with another guy. How shitty." Stiles leaned back against the seat. If he found Adrian dead, he'd never be able to forgive himself. He should have stayed.

"It's not just another guy, it's Derek." Lydia shrugged as if that made it okay.

"So?"

Lydia looked over at Stiles, a knowing look on her face.

"What?"

"You're gonna tell me there's nothing there?"

Stiles swallowed. He had noticed he was wrapped in Derek's bedsheets when he came to in Deaton's office. He wondered if anyone else noticed. "We're just friends," he answered.

"But you love him." It wasn't posed as a question, but Lydia looked at Stiles expectantly.

"Why would you think that?"

"Because I know you, Stiles. Also, you made it a point to clarify that your going out with Adrian was not a date. People who are trying to stay available claim dates as not dates."

"It wasn't."

"Did you kiss him?"

"No," Stiles scoffed. He'd thought about it briefly. They were dancing, and Adrian's hand was on his waist. It would have been so easy to do, but thoughts of Derek kept him from doing it.

"Did you want to?"

"Can we not do this, please?" Stiles snapped. He frowned as he noticed she turned onto a dirt road that led to the preserve. He didn't point it out. Maybe he should keep talking.

"Oh come on," Lydia huffed. "I've been meaning to ask you about Adrian but haven't had the chance. Maybe talking about it will help?"

Stiles closed his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about Adrian. But maybe talking about Adrian is what was leading Lydia to wherever she was taking them. "He's sweet, but I just can't commit to a relationship," he conceded.

"Why not?" She tossed him a smirk.

"Because how would I explain to him that you're calling me in the middle of the night cause you found a dead body?" Stiles snapped, throwing a hand up. It frustrated him that he couldn't be with anyone because of what he knew.

Lydia pursed her lips but didn't respond. Stiles knew he'd gotten his point across, but he kept going.

"And if it got to a point where I could trust him with all this." He flailed a hand through the air. "I'm risking his life. Hell, I went on a date with him, and look where it got him."

Lydia raised a brow and tossed a glance at Stiles. "I thought it wasn't a date."

"Really?" He squinted at her in frustration.

She sighed, "I get it. I do, but what are you going to do? Be alone forever?"

Stiles turned his head away. He stared out at the passing trees. He didn't have an answer. It was part of what bothered him so much. His loneliness. It's what got him in this mess with Derek. It's what had him clinging to every moment between them. It's what had him savoring every touch. Or that's what he tried to tell himself. He knew it wasn't the loneliness that had him craving Derek. It's just what gave him the excuse to.

"So if Adrian is alive... I think it'd be easy to tell him. And he was already in danger, so..." Lydia glanced at him expectantly. She waited for the realization or a blushing smile. Instead, what she got was a glare.

"If Adrian is alive, I'm never going anywhere near him again."

Lydia rolled her eyes. "I don't get you, Stiles. Adrian is gorgeous. You said he's sweet. What's the problem?"

He's not Derek. Stiles thought. God, maybe he needed to date someone just so he would stop being so hung up on Derek.

"Just admit that you're in love with Derek and stop lying to yourself," Lydia huffed.

Stiles snapped his head towards her. It was like she'd read his mind.

"You forget, I took a psychology course in college. Body language is everything. And I know your body language very well." She held her head up in pride.

"It doesn't matter."

"It might make you feel better to admit it out loud." Lydia pressed as she stopped the car at the end of the path. The only thing forward was trees. No room to drive a car.

"Looks like the plan is working," Stiles said, climbing out.

Lydia followed suit but planted her feet next to her car. She crossed her arms. "I'll keep going when you admit you're in love with Derek."

"Are you kidding me?" Stiles snapped. "Lydia, people's lives are at stake."

She dropped her arms with a huff. She was pretty sure they were all dead, but she knew better than to argue with Stiles. Giving in, she headed into the woods, her heels clomping through the underbrush.

Stiles fell into step beside her. Silence hung between them. Whether it was the anticipation of what they'd find or the tension from their previous conversation, Stiles didn't know.

"I don't know if Derek feels the same way. He's very hard to read, but I think you two are great together," Lydia finally spoke into the silence.

Stiles' chest ached. She was the second one to say that to him.

"I don't want to love him, but he makes it so easy," Stiles said just above a whisper. Like it was a secret.

Lydia turned to look at him. Stiles expected a satisfied grin or ' told you so' smirk. But what he saw instead was a sympathetic smile. She slipped her hand into his and gave a reassuring squeeze. He was glad she didn't press.

After another few minutes of walking, Stiles asked, "Any idea how much longer? I'm acutely aware of how little sleep I've gotten lately, and I don't even know when the last time I ate was, so if—" his words halted as Lydia came to a stop. His eyes fell to an unmoving figure on the ground fifteen feet from them. It was no nemeton, but it was a dead body. His plan had worked. Sort of.

*AN*
Hope you like it! Thank you all for your sweet messages they mean a lot to me!