Where Love Finds You

Chapter 28

Copyright © 2020 Sara R Stewart

All rights reserved

This is a work of fiction.

No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the author.

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Had I not already spent the night at his parents' guest house, Tahoe's house would have been a bit off putting. It is really fancy and I'm pretty sure the Ansel Adams art on the walls is real. He might joke about not wanting to be the little rich boy, but I seriously doubt he has ever done a dirty dish or a load of laundry that wasn't because he was learning how to with his mom. Still, the apartment sparkles, it is so clean.

We settle ourselves into the two lounge chairs outside and thankfully it is mostly a nice day. There are a few rain clouds out but it is still warm and sunny. I think from here I can see Mt. Tabor, Mt. Hood, and Mt. Saint Helens and the water below is reflecting the sun. I can see why this is Tahoe's favorite place in the house.

Lying here, overlooking the river I imagine soaking in the sun in a bathing suit on a sunny day; I can see Tahoe grilling and spending an entire day out here together. I love seeing his place and how he lives. The outside space alone, I wonder if he ever does his writing out here. I certainly would find every opportunity I could to be out here.

"Do you ever bring your computer out here to write your blogs?"

"I tried it a few times, but the glare makes it kind of hard to see. I mostly write in my office. I do a lot of thinking out here though."

I imagine Tahoe out here in the morning with coffee or at night with a beer. It suits him and I realize I wouldn't mind being here to enjoy those times with him. The thought feels dangerous.

I am not oblivious to what has happened this weekend. My decision to not decide to push him away morphed into a decision to be open to him and what is happening now. The scariest part is that I'm no longer just afraid of being hurt when things break off now, but I am going to have grief for losing what we could have had as well.

I have to end it soon, despite what Kathy said, because Tahoe will get bored with me eventually and I'd rather stop now before that happens. The novelty of me will wear off and our differences will become more of an obstacle. I'm not someone that will fit into his world, I'm sure even his parents can see that.

It is so hard to not run away now; it is so hard to not give up this very minute and leave, but I know Kathy had a reason for asking me to hold off on this decision until Tahoe left. I just don't really know why.

"You are awfully quiet, what are you thinking about?"

"About you leaving this week."

"Crappy timing isn't it? I'm going to miss you while I'm gone."

"Yes, the timing isn't great. But it will be good to give us some perspective, time to think things through and cool off a little."