Where Love Finds You

Chapter 30

Copyright © 2020 Sara R Stewart

All rights reserved

This is a work of fiction.

No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the author.

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Normally when I'm getting ready to set out on a trip, I'm excited and keyed up and looking forward to the adventure at hand. Right now, I am so not excited. I'm dreading going and I feel like shit. I know why Sailor is pushing me away and I really don't know what I can do about it. She knows she is running scared and deciding to do it anyway. I really thought after the week we had together that I'd made some progress at breaking down her walls and getting her to trust me a little more. It seems however it isn't her trust of me that is really the problem, she doesn't trust herself.

When my dad called me on Monday and invited me to go with him to George, Albatross, Newbery and Newton, I didn't really want to go, but then he explained that he was thinking about having Sailor put on his account and I loved the idea. Somehow it felt like there would still be a contact between my family and her and I relished that thought. I told dad that she had ended it and how I was feeling. He suggested we go forward with this plan and I get more involved with his money management as it would all pass to me someday anyhow. And that would allow me at least a minimal access to Sailor and an opportunity to build trust with her, so I agreed.

After the lunch we had with Sailor following the meeting, Dad went back up to manage the legal issues with the embezzlement and I headed out to catch up on my blog. Which is where I am now, just sitting in front of my computer and a blinking cursor with no words on the page. My heart is not in it and I'm angry at Sailor for throwing away something I know would be great. I decide to open a new word document and just get my feelings out on paper. Soon my rant turns into a letter to Sailor and I realize why I'm so incredibly frustrated and hurt. This is the first real rejection of my life and I have absolutely no control or influence over what Sailor does or doesn't do and no one can help me. I want what I want, and I don't know how to get it. Feeling so out of sorts I call my mom.

"Hey sweetie, how are you? Dad told me about Sailor."

"Not great Mom. I'm so mad and frustrated and I don't know what to do."

"Do you have any plans for the rest of your day?"

"Not really, the guys wanted to grab a beer and watch some game on TV, but I really don't feel like it."

"Get on your bike and ride out here, the exercise will help and then you and I can figure out what if anything we can do to win over Sailor."

"Do you think there is a chance? I've already chased her around for weeks. I feel like it is a losing battle."

"Just come over. I think at the very least we should talk about it. You don't know what it is like to be someone like Sailor. I do a little, even if it has been a very long time. Maybe if we put our heads together, we can come up with something."

"Okay Mom, love you."

"Love you honey."

It takes me nearly an hour to get there on my bike with traffic and stupid drivers, but I do so unscathed and tired from all the hills. I can already tell the exercise is working to calm me down a bit because I feel a little better. After dropping off my gear in the mud room and parking my bike, I wash up and find my mom in her office. The room always reminds me of her hugs, warm and full of comfort. My mom is sitting at her computer with a frown on her face.