Where Love Finds You

Chapter 37

Copyright © 2020 Sara R Stewart

All rights reserved

This is a work of fiction.

No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the author.

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On Saturday morning I was tired, I didn't sleep much or well following the amazing night I had with Tahoe and then our text exchange. I had already admitted to Kathy in therapy that I was pretty sure I was falling in love with Tahoe and his kindness and patience with me was helping me to build trust in both him and my ability to move forward and not repeat my mother's mistakes. It also didn't hurt that his family had been so generous and accepting of me and supportive. Part of the future I had admitted to Kathy that I wanted was being a part of his incredible family.

Cheryl came over with breakfast burritos and tales of her misadventures last night with Tyler. I laughed and joked with her but didn't feel well enough to go out shopping as she had asked. Promising that I would go with her next time, Cheryl left, and I curled up with Padme' and tried to go back to sleep.

My cell phone woke me around three and I saw it was Tahoe. He had texted me to ask if I wanted to join him at his parents for dinner, his mom had asked him to invite me. He made it easy for me to accept or not if I didn't want to go. I didn't respond for a bit, choosing to first eat and then have some coffee to get my brain in gear before I made up my mind.

I loved spending time with Bill and Helen, the last time I went to dinner with them I really wanted to go, but was it fair going given I was still continuing to put Tahoe off like this? Maybe I should just take the weekend to be with myself and think about things. Talking to Kathy helps, but in the end, I was the one who had to make my decisions and live with them and I'd been putting off this for long enough. I decided to pass but mentioned I would love for him to join me and Cheryl for bunch tomorrow.

The rest of the evening I was in a mood, feeling disappointed, like I was missing out on something. I felt sad, frustrated, and mopey. I decided to put my thoughts down on paper. I made three columns; the first was a list of things that proved I could trust Tahoe; the next column was a list of the things that made me fall in love with him and the last column was why I was afraid of being in a relationship with Tahoe. The first two columns filled up quickly and were easy to come up with, the last column I had to really think about to come up with what I wanted there. Ultimately what landed on the last column had absolutely nothing to do with Tahoe, I wrote I'm afraid once Tahoe really knows me, he will throw me away like everyone else has. I'm afraid that I am not lovable. The list was eye opening and I gave myself the rest of the night off to just not think. I ended up taking a long bath with a book that was sweet and light and then took a few melatonin and went to sleep.

On Sunday I got up and decided I needed a new attitude and so I dressed the part. With the cold of fall setting in strong I wore a warm rust orange sweater dress that was fitted to my body with dark grey tights and warm brown knee-high boots with a stiletto heel. The sweater had a low-cut front, so I put a brown scarf on over the top to not be too suggestive. I left my hair down and with my natural wave, and finished the look off with deep red lipstick and dark brown mascara.

Cheryl met me at my house and we took an Uber to a restaurant she picked; I wasn't even paying attention to where we were going until I realized it was that restaurant where Tahoe's friend Zane worked. A little nervous flip hit my stomach anticipating the attention I would get from him and then at the same time came a feeling of guilt. I was already all in with Tahoe, I just needed to let him know that. Accepting attention from another man felt a little like cheating.