The Dead war.

Chapter Twenty-seven: Motherhood

The silence I remember In my room and the silence that I remember that filled my heart and mind was now filled with a crying and screaming baby, and a screaming toddler and an entire kingdom screaming for help and to be saved. I felt like the entire world and kingdom all rested on my shoulders and I couldn't handle it. I woke up every night and fed my baby and calmed him from crying, while Oliver slept and my son Jasper slept. That morning after Oliver had awoken and left the room I paced with Edmund screaming and Jasper crying because he was woken too early. I tried to call Jasper at the Same time I tried to call Edmund. I felt my pulse quicken and my heart thump in my chest. I felt my hands shake and tremble. The tears started to flow before I could stop them. Now I was crying with my two sons. I set Edmund down on the bed to change Jasper while Edmund screamed and Jasper fought me wiggling out of my grasp trying to escape my arms. Once Jasper had his cloth nappy on I set him down only for him to cry and put his arms out because we wanted me to hold him. I grabbed Edmund to change his diaper while he continued to scream and Jasper clawed at my nightgown begging for my attention. After two hours of this vicious cycle I finally got Edmund to sleep and sent Jasper with Charlie to go play with the kids in town. I sat down on my bed and placed my head in my hands and sighed. I was taken from my thoughts by a knock on the door. Immediately I groaned and Edmund began crying once again. I took a deep breath before grabbing Edmund and rocking him while walking over to the door. I opened it to see Alex standing leaning against the door.

"You're a jerk, you know that." I said pausing.

"Yeah okay, anyway where is Oliver I need to speak with you in private and know you probably need a break from motherhood." He said. I opened the door and walked in further setting Edmund back in his bassinet once he was asleep.

"I don't know, I haven't seen him since this morning, Jasper is crying and being clingy and Edmund won't stop screaming, I feel like I'm losing my mind." I spoke with my hand resting on Edmunds chest feeling his breathing, it was something I did regularly just to ease my own fears and anxiety. I took a deep breath and turned to Alex.

"So you haven't seen him since you gave birth?" Alex asked, I could hear the anger and frustration in his voice.

"I've seen him once last night but yes I haven't seen him since, I've been alone with my two children All day."

"I'm gonna kill Him." Alex said with such frustration it worried me he really would.

"Alex no, I will handle my husband myself, now will you please watch my two children so I can bathe for the first time since I gave birth and died all at the same time." I said with a slow chuckle.

"Of course, go relax for an hour. I got them." Alex said, hugging me tightly. I hugged him back with one hand and kissed Edmund on the forehead and walked out of the room and towards my bathroom quarters. I prepared my bath and slowly got into the bath. The water felt like heaven on my skin and my scars both physically and mentally. I took a deep breath and sighed.

"What am I doing mom, I don't know how to be a mother, I don't know how to raise two children, I don't know how to be a queen and a mother and a wife all while doing everything myself." I sank into the tub, the water slowly seeping into every crevice of my body, it covered my eyes and nose and lips. I felt the cold tingle in my body as the cold water touched my bare skin. I felt my skin perk up and felt the goosebumps radiate down my body. When I rose from the water the reality of my situation all came crashing back down. After 30 minutes I sighed and got out of the bath and put my robe back on. I walked out of the door, closing it softly behind me and opened my bedroom door to see Oliver rocking Edmund and Jasper playing quietly on my bed. Oliver strode over to me and began to lean down to place a kiss on my lips but before his lips made contact with mine I pulled away. He looked down at me and I walked away towards the crib grabbing a blanket and grabbing Edmund from Oliver's hands much to his disappointment. I wrapped the blanket around my shoulder and placed my son on my breast and placed my blanket over my chest to cover up.