My Spiritual Awakening Diary

Dear Ayanna

Tonight, I had the sudden urge to write myself an apology letter in my diary and felt like sharing.

Dear Ayanna,

I am so sorry babygirl. I am sorry for being so critical of you. I am sorry for invalidating your traumatic experiences. I am sorry for partially blaming you for them. I am sorry for suppressing your unpleasant emotions and pain. I am sorry for making you feel guilty and monstrous whenever you occasionally did express them. I am sorry for isolating you during those dark times when you needed someone the most. For making you feel unworthy of receiving love and sympathy from those who've genuinely cared. For pushing them away out of fear. I am sorry for failing to provide you with the same emotional support that I do for other people. I am sorry for not regularly checking on you. For not prioritizing your overall health and well-being. I am sorry for allowing others to mistreat you and take advantage of your kindness, mistaking it for weakness. For failing to set boundaries and allowing people to repeatedly cross them whenever I did. I am sorry for allowing their projected pain, traumas, and insecurities to be internalized, which negatively influenced my perception of you. I am sorry for not standing up for you. For not being your voice. I am sorry for the times that I've witnessed you fall and left your wounds untreated for long periods of time. I am sorry for being so harsh with your mistakes. I am sorry for making you feel unworthy of second chances. For not embracing every aspect of you, including your flaws and shadow parts. I failed at being patient and having compassion for you along this spiritual awakening and healing journey. I am sorry for every mean word I've spoken about you and towards your mirror reflection. For every time that I said I hated you. I am sorry for comparing your looks, intelligence, and talents to other people's. I am sorry for making you feel ugly, stupid, worthless, and like a failure. I am sorry for downplaying your accomplishments. I am sorry for not believing in you. For failing to recognize your potential and worth. I am sorry for not making the effort to understand the great complexity of you sooner. I am so sorry for failing to love you unconditionally babygirl. I promise to do better.