My Spiritual Awakening Diary

Toxic Relationships: The Empath & Narcissist Dynamic

Toxic Relationships: The Empath & Narcissist Dynamic

As I previously mentioned numerous times, we are spiritual beings having a temporary human experience. We are faced with many connections and challenges throughout our lives that are crucial to soul evolution. We're given the opportunity to become a stronger and wiser version of ourselves with each experience. Therefore, we attract people or situations that serve as karmic mirrors and lessons. I've noticed in the media there is a misconception that we literally are who we attract. This causes some people to be opposed to the idea by creating the assumption that if they often attract narcissists or shitty people in general that means they're also one, which can be far from the truth. Believe it or not, many wounded empaths and narcissists gravitate towards each other because they vibrate at the same frequency. They are two sides of the same coin. They are both insecure but go about seeking external validation in different ways. We'll discuss in more depth how in the following paragraphs. Empaths and narcissists embody qualities/energy that the other lacks. They're able to shine light on each other's shadow aspects and gain a lot of knowledge. For example, consider how everything appears the exact same at first glance in the mirror. However, the longer you gaze at your reflection you realize that it's an inverted/flipped image and body insecurities may form or worsen. Oftentimes, we don't like what we see. Many people will find a flaw if they gaze at themselves long enough. Just like staring at your own reflection in the mirror, narcissistic people who are usually karmic soulmates will appear just like you at first. (If a potential romantic partner ask you what you're looking for in a person, don't tell them. Don't be specific. This gives them the advantage of shifting into that person to win you over.) As time progresses and the more you spend deeply reflecting on these karmic connections, you'll gradually become more aware of the contrasts and their facade or how these types of narcissistic people trigger your insecurities by mirroring you.

As humans, we are social creatures that crave connection and validation. Many of us seek them in unhealthy self-sabotaging ways. Wounded empaths usually gain them through people pleasing (their fawn trauma response), which triggers self-neglect, resentment, and the lack of authenticity. They fail to set firm boundaries with others. They know that many of the people in their lives would probably leave or dislike them if they did. Of course, the people with malicious intentions would because they no longer have the same high amount of accessibility and/or control over you. Empaths should contemplate whether the validation gained from pleasing people and being inauthentic is really worth losing their true self in the long run? Why seek acceptance from egotistical people who don't appreciate, respect, or like the real you? People who don't care about your overall well-being? Why do you tolerate any kind of abusive behavior just to prevent being alone when these people already make you feel lonely within the connection anyway? If you don't recognize your own worth, how can someone else? These are questions I've had to ask myself. Regardless of whether it is a boss, coworker, friend, romantic partner, parent, or another relative, all narcissists are very calculated. They go after people that they sense have low self-esteem and are naive. Basically appearing as a predator. Empaths desire deep connections that make them feel loved, seen, safe, and understood. Although they're great at making others feel this way, rarely ever is that same level of compassion reciprocated. This leaves them constantly accepting less than what they deserve. Wounded dark energy is attracted to the healing light energy that empaths radiate. Narcissists will see you as a potential source of supply. Empaths are highly sensitive whereas narcissists feel empty inside. They attempt to harness the empath's energy in any way that they can to fill that void and appear superior. Even if that means by negatively projecting and harming them. Narcissists have a lot of manipulative tactics to achieve their goals. In the beginning they'll most likely portray themselves as the most positive, kind, and idealistic version. They do this by love bombing you during the honeymoon phase that usually occurs during the first several months of crossing paths up until they finally get what they want from you. Whether that be sex, control, money, higher status, trapping you with a baby or in marriage, etc. They'll try to speed up the process if possible. Moving too quickly causes you to overlook red flags/toxic traits. Narcissists are very pretentious attention seekers. Instead of genuinely being a good person they care more about appearing that way for personal gain. Gradually, the narcissist will reveal their true dark intentions, but only once they have you where they want you. You'll notice how much of a pathological liar they are as well as their superficial, competitive, misogynistic, possessive, and hypocritical nature. They're allowed to have friends, cheat, or do certain hurtful and disrespectful things while in the relationship but you aren't. They'll play victim, gaslight, and/or invalidate your feelings towards their harmful actions when confronted. They are committed to misunderstanding you. Although they quickly dismiss your concerns, they expect you to over explain and apologize when you're in the wrong. The narcissist will try to isolate you from family and friends so that way they'll have more control, and you'll have less supportive people in your life that can help you gain clarity or courage to leave them or at least distance yourself. They constantly feel the need to humble you and break down your confidence even more. They deceive you into believing that no one will ever treat or love you better than them. Their envy prevents them from ever truly being happy for you and they often downplay your accomplishments with shady remarks. In their eyes only one person can be the best and at the top between the both of you. I've also encountered some narcissistic people who make very inappropriate jokes such as ones about assault. My advice is when people show you who they really are the first time, believe them and distance yourself. Don't enable abusive behavior. Don't justify their toxic traits, because of the past trauma they may have endured. We've all experienced trauma to a certain extent and did not become like that. They can choose to finally address their trauma and heal from it or continue partaking in the karmic cycle of "hurt people, hurt people." If they really care about you, they wouldn't intentionally inflict pain onto you for personal gain or relief. If you're living with a narcissistic family member, I suggest finding supportive people that can help you be removed from that toxic situation. Easier said than done, but don't be afraid to speak up for yourself by asking for help. There are plenty of online resources and domestic abuse support groups.