My Spiritual Awakening Diary

Are You Spiritual or Religious?

(Journal Entry from 2020 during my blissful stage of awakening.)

My spiritual awakening began when I was nineteen years old. I was raised in a household that indoctrinated Christianity until that point. However, once I reopened my third eye, I no longer resonated with Christianity or any religion for that matter.

"I am still spiritual but not religious anymore."

"How come? Wait, what religion are you a part of now?" Curiosity and astonishment filled my religious friends' eyes when they asked.

"I just said that I am not religious anymore."

"What do you mean though? You don't believe in God anymore?" They bombard me with questions and judgmental, confused glares each time.

"I still believe in god, just not the same way that I used to." I'd simply answer.

"How so? What do you do that brings you closer to him? There is no way for you to be spiritual, but not religious."

I can answer this question in several different ways. However, I am choosing the most respectful one that I possibly can. Honestly, I believe that religion was created by men with the malicious intention of keeping people fearful, divided, and controlled. I've noticed a negative pattern in some religious people who deem their spiritual beliefs as correct and superior while scorning the beliefs of others. For example, my mother believes that Christianity is the correct way of living in God's eyes and continues to disrespect other religions by stating that those people "are worshiping false gods." It's frustrating and ridiculous how close-minded so many people still really are. Some fail to realize that we are ALL (except atheists) believing in a higher being that we can't physically see. How can anyone determine what is the right way of believing in God? I found myself asking my mother and others the following questions at the beginning of my spiritual awakening.

"Was Jesus really a WHITE, attractive MAN with long straight hair and a fit body?" Notice how I emphasized white and man?

"Even if he was, isn't it strange how people tortured and murdered him and then justified it by creating a religion in his honor, when he was a Jew? Does the holy Communion not seem strange when it comes to supposedly drinking wine that represents his blood and eating bread that symbolizes his body? That's weird. That sounds cultish and like cannibalism."

"Who and what even is God? Who or what created God? What created the thing that created God..."

"Was God really a man? Why is God always referred to as a he? If God is the 'creator of all things' doesn't that mean it is genderless and nonhuman but heavily radiates divine feminine energy? Feminine energy brings new life. It represents creation."

"Don't all human/mammal embryos start life as females but then can develop to males (XY chromosomes) after two months? So why does the Bible make it seem like Eve was simply created for and after Adam? If Mary was supposedly a "virgin" even after giving birth to Jesus then doesn't that mean a woman was capable of conceiving without a male? If so, wouldn't it make sense for Eve to have been born first? Why does it say that Eve gave into temptation and ate the apple, but men are the ones who have an Adam's apple? What else seems to be a lie in the bible?"

"The bible was written by men not god itself, how do we know if all of the stuff in it is true? Why did people just accept everything in it and not question anything? These beliefs were forced on us at a young age and we're just supposed to accept them?"

"Isn't Christianity one of the newest religions? Didn't white slave owners use the bible to justify enslaving black people and force their religious beliefs on them in the past? Didn't our ancestors worship other things before that?"