Hellbound - 001/Henry Creel/Peter Ballard

017

Henry Creel

She drives me crazy.

She makes me say things that should be locked away forever in the darkest place on my mind. She ignites the blaze of desire in me into a roaring fire with the barest of touch.

She's all that I have ever wanted for decades now, I've held back every impulse and I have begun to admire my patience.

But it has started to flay these past weeks, slowly, bit by bit, without me noticing. Little by little I find myself more precarious to her soft words, the smiles that are always directed to me, the frowns in her sleep as she fights her way through an unknown universe.

I made an oath to myself to protect her from all evil, shield her from the ugliness of the real world, but what if I am the evil?

How can I shield her from myself when I can't stay a millisecond away from her.

I am supposed to be protecting her from the monsters of this world, but if I am one, how do I keep her away?

She's sleeping, her head is on my chest and her limbs wrapped around my body. Her heartbeat is not erratic, the only proof that I have that she's safe in a dream, in a creation of her mind.

I look down at her, and I should be feeling peace, like I've always felt when she was in my arms, but instead I feel this burst of energy, a tingle all across my body and a frustration in the bottom of my spine.

I thought I knew all feelings up until now. The foreign desire in me feels oddly like the word I heard once in my life.

Lust.

I remember my father telling me all about it, in hushed voices and away from my sister, in case she heard what only older boys should know.

I remember thinking that my father was being silly. Why would I ever feel such a strong need for something? Why should I push it away if it was so natural and normal? Why was it the strongest desire known to man?

I thought of all those questions but I kept them in me, hidden and unspoken of.

"Henry, my dear son, if you ever feel a strong urge in you while in the presence of a woman you should never allow it to control you. It is called Lust my boy, and lust is a sin." He placed his hand on my shoulder, looking me dead in the eye. "And what did I tell you about sin?"

"That good boys are not sinners. That I should never sin lest I want will live an eternity of torture." I replied, having memorised the lecture I was constantly given.

"You're old enough to know now, that the Lust you are bound to feel sooner rather than later can be the greatest sin of all. Only if you love that girl truly and bound her with marriage can you allow it to control you."

"But what is lust father?"

"It is when you want a woman greatly, when you want her so much you would think of unspeakable things." My father's whispers quieted down to an even lower volume.

I shake myself out of the stupor of memories.

If lust was so dangerous, so forbidden, then why did it feel so good? So right?

I look down at Eve, her face peaceful for once, her hair falling over her eyes. I pull back a few strands of them and placing them behind the nook of her ear.

My fingers brush against her cheek, begging me to cup her face and kiss her with all my might.

It's all I think about these days. She occupies every free inch of my brain, and she doesn't even know it.