Hellbound - 001/Henry Creel/Peter Ballard

025

Eve

I run far away from Henry and the moment that we shared as the realisation settles its roots in me, blooming the all-consuming feeling of regret all over me like an ivy climbing over my wall of shame. 

I hold the clothes that I picked up from the floor over my naked body, the very body that mere seconds ago I wanted to be bare and touched all over. I wanted his hands to map my entire body, but now the idea of that seems utterly repulsive. 

The heat is still pooling between my legs, clearly not synching with the feelings that are wreaking havoc in my head. My thighs are still throbbing with that maddening need that he set in me like a fire I cannot put out, and all I want to do is set myself on fire to get rid of all that just happened between us. 

It felt so good, his touch felt so good that I lost all control and begged him to make me feel ecstatic, to feel that rush of euphoria that was spreading through me like honey, but now all I feel is disgust when I recall my pleas. I finally fell down from the cloud that I was in and realised who he really is, what we really are. 

His rough hands were an escape from the reality I've grown to hate for a second, making me forget all that happened these past days. I was at his mercy once again, and I should've hated it, but I loved it instead, I craved it and still do. The burn of his touch is still imprinted on me, melting through the hate that's simmering at the bottom of my heart like a bomb eager to erupt. 

I barricade myself in my room, away from Henry and his conflicting touch that's tearing me apart at the seams. I don't know what to think, I don't know if I want it or not and the hate paired with the lust is driving me crazy. 

"What did I do?" I speak to myself, my head in my hands as I tug at my roots. 

This shouldn't have happened, I am supposed to be mad at him for killing so many innocents, for choosing his petty revenge over our love, and yet the other half of me tugs me away from that hatred and tries to sculpt all my feelings into something indiscernible. 

An invisible string ties me to him, and the harder I try to fight it the more I end up in his arms. I still see him in my sleep, his face starring in all my dreams, kissing me with all the lust in the world, just like he used to when we were still living in the wild and reassuring me that everything will be alright. 

The sleep doesn't last long though and when I wake up I am reminded of his cruel world and what I really mean to him. 

Nothing, I choose nothing. 

"Eve, please let me talk to you. I can explain." Henry speaks through the other side of the door, and I feel my heart clench around his fist in my chest.

"Come in." I deflate, letting him pass my defences again, allowing him a second, but final chance. 

The door opens slowly, with eery creaks following the movement and I make a mental note to fix it later. Henry steps cautiously through the threshold, looking around my room in curiosity, probably not having seen it before. 

He kneels in front of me as I sit on the edge of the bed and tuck my knees to my chest, protecting myself from whatever he wants to say to me. He tries to rest his hand against my shoulder, but I pull back, a clear sign that I don't want him touching me yet. 

"I thought about what I've said to you these past days, and I've realised that I don't mean any of that. I want you more than anything, you are more important than my stupid little plans for revenge, my fury or my egoism. I need you by my side Eve, without you I am nothing, and I'll be damned if I choose nothing again, because I'd rather live a thousand lives of hell and torture than nothing. You are my heart and soul, the one person I'd die for without question, and I would do anything to make you love me again." His voice cracks, tears building in his eyes, and something about his devastation makes me break too.