Keep Fighting (Kili/The Hobbit Fanfic)

A Plan, A Song, A Choice

The Dwarves went straight to raiding the pantry. Bilbo stayed flustered and tried, and failed to get them to leave our food alone.

Bombur walked by him carrying 3 giant wheels of cheese.

"It's a tad excessive isn't it?" Bilbo asked. "Have you got a cheese knife?"

"Cheese knife? He eats it by the block." Bofur explained.

I watched in amusement as Bilbo tried to regain control of our little hobbit hole. He was getting absolutely nowhere to say the least. Bifur was, I'm assuming, trying to talk to people but the axe in his head seems to have left him a little scrambled. He spoke in Dwarvish but it seemed to be just gibberish.

Gandalf started rhyming off names. Gloin, Oin, Bofur, Bifur, Bombur, Kili, Fili, Dwalin, Balin, Dori, Nori and Ori. He insisted he was one Dwarf short.

Dwalin assured him that the missing Dwarf was just late and that he'd be here.

By now the entirety of our food supply was cooked, portioned and spread out all over the table until not an inch of wood could be seen.

The Dwarves dug in frantically, reaching across each other to grab what they wanted, apparently forgetting utensils exist.

Bofur tossed a roll at Bombur, the largest and roundest of the Dwarves and he caught it in his mouth. This started off a bout of cheering and more food throwing.

I saw Bilbo staring hopelessly at our empty pantry. Then Fili, being the intelligent Dwarf he is started walking across the dining room table offering everyone ale. I sighed and rolled my eyes. With all the unwashed hands grabbing at the food what's a couple of boots trampling it?

There was a brief moment of silence while they all chugged down their mugs but it was short lived when the burping started.

Men. I sighed.

After they'd eaten their fill a few set about trolling the kitchen to see if there was more, while others stayed in the dining room.

Then Gandalf had the balls to ask Bilbo what was the matter which set him off all over again.

I wasn't surprised. The carpet was caked in mud, the pantry was bare and don't even get me started on the what they've done to the toilets! I cringed at the thought.

Ori interrupted Bilbo's little rant with a polite "Excuse me" before asking what to do with his plate.

Fili swiped it and sent it flying through the air before it was caught by Kili and hucked into the kitchen. This started a storm of dishes being recklessly tossed and effortlessly caught then tossed again.

I thought Bilbo was going to have an aneurism watching his mothers, hundred year old dishes being so carelessly thrown about. Although I could see there really was nothing careless about it. Fili's aim was perfect and Kili never missed a single dish, nor did whoever was in the kitchen he was throwing to.

Bilbo, back in the dinning room shouted something about blunting the knives. Next thing I know Kili is back in the room, apparently in the mood for a song.

"Blunt the knives, bend the forks."

"Smash the bottles and burn the corks." Fili continued.

Then they were all singing along.

"Chip the glasses and crack the plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates! Cut the cloth, tread on the fat. Leave the bones on the bedroom mat. Pour the milk on the pantry floor. Splash the wine on every door! Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl. Pound them with a thumping pole. When you're finished, if they are whole, send them down the hall to roll! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"