In The Maze

Chapter fourteen (Newt)

I'm doing my best to depict the feelings/PTSD a survivor might have. Heightened sensitivity and fear of touch as well as being alone in a vulnerable position are the biggest side effects I'll focus on. This is my interpretation of how PTSD could manifest.

That being said, my new semester starts tomorrow and I'm dreading it. So I won't be posting again for another few weeks. Chapter 15 is also being a major bitch. I cannot get it to come together like I want it to and it is pissing me the Hell off.
******

"I'm so sorry, Love," I murmured. Although I knew full well that it wasn't enough to undo what had already been done. There wasn't much I could do in that moment except hold the love of my life and try to provide some semblance of comfort after she'd been violated in the worst way possible. "I'm so sorry."

(Y/N) tucked her head under my chin as if she were trying to disappear. She tightened her grip on my shirt, unintentionally digging her nails into my skin but I didn't care. Anything that made her more comfortable I was fine with. I wanted to get her somewhere else, somewhere private and secure where she would - hopefully - feel safer. Although I think it was realistic to presume she'd be on edge for a while. We all would.

Guilt welled up inside me, pooling in my veins like cement and weighing my limbs down. How could I let this happen? How hadn't I noticed that something was wrong sooner? It's my job to protect her and I let this happen.

(Y/N)'s the strongest person I know and there was no doubt in my mind that she would overcome this. But no one is entirely impervious to trauma; I would know. There would be long-lasting effects on her and I had no idea how they'd manifest.

Regardless of what happens, her friends and I will be by her side every step of the way.

That thought did nothing to make me feel better, however. Hindsight is 20/20 and knew I would forever blame myself.  I should have asked her to stay with me like I planned to. Then maybe this wouldn't have happened.

I never wanted to hurt anyone as badly as I did Donald. If it weren't for the threat of banishment, and by default leaving (Y/N), I would have bloody killed him where he stood. I'm shucking glad Gally pummeled him. The creep deserved nothing less.

Hesitantly, Minho came closer. We made eye contact, sharing a silent conversation before he stood straighter and took up a defensive position at the head of (Y/N)'s bed opposite to where I was holding her.

Fry, Zart, Winston, and Jeff did something similar, each one stationing themselves throughout (Y/N)'s small room. Ready and willing to stand guard in case anyone else tried anything or until (Y/N) felt comfortable enough to move on her own.

Gally drug Donald out of the Homestead by his feet, purposefully allowing his head to bang on every step and uneven surface. I could tell Alby wanted to say something; to scold Gally and me for our added force, to condemn Donald's actions, or to alleviate the tension clouding the atmosphere like a dense fog.

Instead, he clamped up and left, presumably to make sure Gally didn't strangle anyone. Normally, I acted as the referee and quelled the gladers' fears and bickering, but he would have to manage for now. I was not going to (Y/N)'s side.

Later that day, Alby insisted that we hold a gathering to discuss recent events and determine Donald's fate. There was no doubt in my mind that the arsehole would be banished after the atrocious crime he committed, so I didn't see the point.

After getting a brief synopsis from Alby, all the other keepers agreed to hold off on the gathering, except for Julius, the bloody shank.

(Y/N)'s safety and well-being were the most important things right now. And there was absolutely no way I would be leaving her side after she had such a horrifying experience. It also wasn't fair to ask her to testify so soon. She needed time to calm down and if she didn't want to take part in the gathering, she had every right to decline.