Not Alone Anymore (Tokyo Revengers fanfiction) ~English~

First Chapter

Seishu.. was at a loss.

Perhaps for the first time in his life, he was truly alone. His chosen leader was dead; the first person he really wanted to follow, who was so good that Seishu didn't want to believe that such a human being actually existed and the boy wasn't just a figment of his desperate imagination. He finally got to experience what it was like to serve under someone who deserved to be at the top, who would use his power and influence for good, and who was worth giving his life for.

He was sure that Shinichiro too would have seen in Hanagaki what he had discovered. His former leader shared many characteristics with the First Commander of the Black Dragon. However.. they weren't as similar as most people thought. There was something about Hanagaki that made him somehow even better than Shinichiro. Seishu couldn't figure out what that could have been, he hadn't spent enough time around the blonde to know the answer.

It was one of the things (among many others) that he truly regretted...

Seishu had always been slow to interpret his own emotions and those of others. So it's no wonder, that only in retrospect did he realize how lonely and tired Hanagaki looked despite the huge smile he wore plastered on his face. The light in his eyes, which had been almost blindingly bright when they first met, became fainter with each passing day.

Seishu hesitantly recalled the boy's death in his mind. The indescribably worn out but completely calm face and the pair of almost empty blue eyes that rested on Mikey's face, but didn't actually see the boy, flashed before his eyes. It was as if he hadn't even been among them by then, the thought suddenly struck him.

Hanagaki had many friends... He helped many people, and there was a bunch of them that supposedly cherished him. And yet, no one noticed as the blonde disappeared before their eyes, that he was less and less present every day.

Seishu clenched his jaw in sudden rage. He would have liked to beat up the Toman members who were still alive, who seemingly cared so fucking much for each other. He wanted to yell at them, tell them face to face that they were terrible friends, that Hanagaki would have lived longer if he hadn't met them, that they didn't deserve the boy.

None of them.

...It would have been hypocritical for him to do so, given that he was no different.

Seishu just didn't know what to do. Koko would certainly not have allowed him to let himself go like that, his best friend would have undoubtedly come up with several plans for their future. But Seishu no longer cared about his future. He had no one left after Sanzu executed Koko for his betrayal.

He will never be able to forget the scene as Mikey stood up, leaving Hanagaki's corpse carelessly behind himself, as he struggled to his feet with trembling limbs, silent terror running through his every fiber, and he no longer dared to hope. He only managed to take two steps, but he heard Koko gasp in surprise, bewilderment, and unmistakable pain. Seishu turned around so quickly that he felt dizzy, but the image that greeted him still burned into his memory with ridiculous sharpness; Koko falling to his knees, his chest pierced by a blade, which Sanzu pulls out with a satisfied expression and a smile on his face...

Desperation and helplessness hit him in waves, and when Koko's upper body started to fall forward, Seishu immediately threw himself on his knees in front of him, hoping to catch the black haired male.

..All for nothing. The stab was precise and merciless, and by the time his best friend fell into his arms, he was no longer breathing. Only his facial expression revealed his momentary pain...

Seishu had thought of revenge several times since that day. He imagined how he would feel if he killed Sanzu with his own two hands.. The young man would certainly be caught off guard by a well-planned attack, but.. The fact is that even the thought of retaliation did not trigger any feelings in him. He was tired and lonely, he had no friends or companions. In some of his weaker moments (when he found himself plotting the revenge that he would never carry out) he thought about asking Taiju for help, but then he was forced to remind himself that he too had died fighting Kanto...

The sad truth was that Seishu was really left all alone in this world. He never surrounded himself with many people, preferring to do his affairs alone if he could, so his connections were also nonexistent. Koko always took care of those; he knew how to talk to others in order to get what he wanted.

He could start over. He would have to work from scratch, but it would be possible.

He would have to just... move on. But he was unable to do that.

Reminiscing about the past didn't get him any closer to the answer; he still didn't know what the right course of action would be. However, he was perfectly aware of what he truly wanted; he wanted it to be finally over.

It was a lucky turn of events that there were a few boxes of painkillers on one of the shelves in the workshop; since he was sensitive to fronts, he often had a headache, and in such cases he was even more tight-lipped and aloof than usual. Back in the day, Koko always made sure he had a few pills with him, and later on Draken was the one who bared this responsibility. Seishu just kept forgetting to do it. Even if he bought the medicine (it wasn't common, but it happened), he always left it at home...

A humorless smile, which was more like a grimace, stretched across his lips. The universe certainly loved to make distasteful jokes.

Seishu slowly popped open the top of the plastic box and poured its entire content into his palm. He hoped the medicine would really kill him; it would be rather unpleasant for him to wake up to find himself still alive. He was already raising the multitude of pills towering in his palm to his mouth when he saw the lighter lying on the low table in front of the couch. He let his hand drop next to his body, and although he faintly registered the muffled sound of the medicine falling to the ground, Seishu could only focus on one thing; Draken's lighter.

Occasionally, they shared a cigarette after work, or sometimes also before, if one of them was more stressed than usual. Seishu never had a lighter, but Draken always carried one; and they slowly got to the point where there were a few of them scattered in every room..

Seishu gazed at the dragon-patterned device with slightly widened eyes, then, making up his mind, he went to the storage room, from where he quickly retrieved the spare gasoline. After that, he started to pour out the mentioned liquid in the workshop area.

The thought crossed Seishu's mind that people might think he was crazy when they found out what had happened here, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He'll be dead by then anyway, what does it matter what others think of him? Everyone, whose opinion mattered to him was already dead. It was enough for him to know that it would finally end. Was his plan dramatic? Maybe. But he thought it suited the situation. Dieing after Hanagaki and Koko left for good, using Draken's favorite lighter for the task where they both worked, leaving this world exactly the same way as Akane. As he really should have died in the first place; since Koko saved him from the flames by sheer accident.

Seishu halted in his movement and then dropped the now empty gas can on the ground. He sat down on the sofa and took the lighter in his hand, which then exhaled a small flame with a single click. He just watched silently for a while as the shades of red and yellow mixed with each other in a chaotic dance, then threw the lighter behind himself.

The young man leaned back on the oil-stained couch, his head resting on the back of the furniture. He stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, but finally closed his eyes. He could hear the flames flickering hungrily a few meters away, and he could feel the heat, which grew stronger with each passing moment, while the ever-increasing mass of gray smoke weighed down on the room heavily..

Seishu hoped that the smoke would be the end of him and he wouldn't have to wait for the flames to take care of his miserable life; he didn't want to suffer, he just wanted to finally die and disappear from this cursed world.

I wish I could have spent more time with them..., and as the words faintly rose in his mind, he felt a small tear roll down his face, which then disappeared under the hot influence of the flames.