Just Us //Byler

Chapter 9

                                                                                         Will

TW: Mention of abuse and homophobic slurs

I'm in a dark place, i shiver because of the cold. I look around, I'm in the upside down again..

"MOM?! "

"MIKE?!"

  No answer

Its thundering and i can hear low growling around me. Then i see something.. someone with raven hair and honey brown eyes that i can recognize so well.

"MIKE!" I shout trying to run forward to him, but i can't move. I feel the panic rushing thru my whole body. "MIKE!" He's just walking towards me, after a minute of screaming and panicking hes right in front of me.

"Hello William" William? He never calls me that. I can feel how he's putting his finger under my chain, lifting it up so I am looking directly in his eyes. He's so beautiful.

"You really thought i would like someone as you" I froze. " You really thought i liked you back, didn't you? You're so stupid William. No wonder why your dad abused you. He was always right, you are just a stupid fag." His voice breaks into some deep voice.

I just stand there, frozen. He is right.

"Maybe everything would be better if you just wouldn't exist"

At this point i start to cry.

I can see how his face getting more darker, his honey brown eyes turning into some grey-ish color his hand under my chain feeling more like a claw.

The person standing in front of me isn't Mike anymore.

I wake up, it feels like a stone has dropped on my stomach and i whine. "I-i was just a d-dream.. Just a nightmare.. You are O-okay now Will" I whisper to myself, trying to feel some kind of comfort. But i don't.

I drag myself up from bed, It's Saturday so i won't need to avoid Mike at school and explain everything to the others, witch is good. I don't care what I'm wearing anymore, i just take a random sweatpants, a plain T-shirt and two different socks. The other sock is two big for me and the other is to small.

I don't even care about eating breakfast today. I just sit down with my sketch book and start to draw. 
-
It was raining outside but i couldn't care less. I ran to Castle Byers, the only place where i actually felt safe.

I looked around, my paintings still on the wall, DnD comics, books, crayons and paper and a old blanket on the madras. I sit down while resting my back on the stick wall behind me. Small rain drops slowly penetrated between the thatched roof. I only had my T-shirt on so i had gotten goosebumps a long while ago.

I think back at the dream i had, maybe he was right. Whoever it was, No, he is right. I'm just a stupid queer like my dad always told me. He was right. I don't know why it hurts so much, but it does.

                                                                                    *

Its Monday again, Jonathan has just dropped me of at school. I really don't wanna go inside, but i guess i have no choice. My mission today is to avoid Mike, everything that means he can talk to me or even look at me. I don't want to explain, In fact i don't know how to.

My first lesson is Math, witch i know Mike always skips so i don't have to worry about that. I quickly take my books and runs to the math lesson, not wanting to get bullied today.

I walk into the classroom, and guess who i see there? Sitting at the chair behind mine. Fuck. I sit down, completely ignoring him.

"Hey Will.. ? " He whispers as the lesson starts. I just continue with ignoring him. "Will, i know you can hear me" he continue.

" Mrs.Carson, Can I please go to the toilette? " 

"Okay, just hurry up"

I smile to myself, proud that i could actually come up with an believable excuse this time. I can see Mike's disappointed face when u walk out of the door. Probably because he couldn't pick on me in this class.

-

I sit down at the toilette. Why me? Oh yeah maybe because i kissed my straight best friend, sorry forgot about that. A silence tear escapes my eye.

I stare at the bathroom stall, the walls that everyone scribbles on. I take up my white crayon i have in my pocket. And i write What to do if everyone hates you? I scribble it over, its not like people will answer that. Instead i write Sometimes the world hates you, even if you didn't do anything. I hate it but i can't come up with something better.

Suddenly i hear footsteps. "Will, are you in here?" Seriously? I quickly wipe my tears away and holds my breath, If I'm lucky he won't even hear that someone is in here.

But then i realize, I am not lucky.

"Will i know you are in here." He knocks on my bathroom stall. "Leave me alone Mike, I'm not in the mood for being picked on. "

"What?! No, I'm not going to pick on you. I just wanted to say that uhm.."

"Mike, Its fine really. I get that u don't want to be friends with me"

" No uhm.. T-that is not true.."

I open the bathroom door

"  Mike, I know you think I am disgusting. That i am a freak. But its fine, now we have it said and you can finally be free from the evil fag." And with that i push myself past Mike out of the bathroom. I see how Mike is following me. And with that i just run. I can see in the corner of my eye how Mike is trying to catch up with me but I'm faster.

Ive always been.