Unspoken

Chapter 3

September 14, 1992

Marlena moaned in her sleep, rolling onto her side while arching towards an invisible hand.

She felt the length of his body against her, the coarse hair of his legs, as their flesh moved and slid. His large hands gripped her hips roughly, before twisting in the satin fabric of her nightgown, and pulling it up to expose her long legs. Lips sucked at the skin of her collarbone, causing erotic shivers to make her body tremble, and Marlena was overcome with want. She ached with it. Roman had never been this way before, this needy, this aggressive. Her fingers went to thread through his hair, and she realized the texture wasn't right. It was too dense, too curly. The hair she was touching was soft, sliding between her fingers like silk. It wasn't right, but then he bit at her neck, distracting her as he licked over the stinging skin with a long swipe of his tongue.

"Oh, G-d!" she cried out, bucking her lace clad hips towards him. She could feel how aroused he was. His fingers clenched the tender skin at her thighs, and she moaned.

Using his hand to push between her legs, and cup her mound, she heard him say, "You want me, Doc. I know you do. Just as much as I want you."

It was John. It wasn't Roman. She pulled back quickly, staring into his deep indigo blue eyes, still breathing heavy from arousal, "John? How did you—"

" –does it matter, Doc? I need you..."

Marlena came awake so suddenly, she thought she might fall from the bed. Her breathing was erratic, and her center was throbbing with unquenched desire. She knew she had to calm down. It was just a dream, but it was an unsettling dream. She wasn't allowed to be feeling those things. John's wife was dying of cancer, and it wasn't the time for her to start reliving her old feelings for him, but then she wondered: Are they really old? Or might those feelings simply have been buried so deep because of their circumstances? She had pushed her love for John down so far, and so deep, that she'd felt she didn't love him anymore. She'd done that because loving him hurt too much. Watching him get married, and seeing Brady for the first time had solidified it. Loving John was dangerous for her heart.

She thought about the other day, when she had gone to John's loft to speak with Isabella. She'd stopped in her tracks when she'd seen Brady in his play pen, and when his eyes had locked on her, it took her breath for one quick moment. She'd been moving across the room one second, and completely immobile the next. Everything about Brady's features was similar to Isabella, but his countenance was all John. The steady way his eyes held onto her... she'd felt John for a singular moment, but she'd forced herself to shake it off, and focus on why she was there.

"I can't do this," she whispered to herself in the still darkness of her bedroom. "I will not allow this to happen."

Glancing at the clock, Marlena realized she might as well start her day. Her alarm was scheduled to go off less than twenty minutes later. She glanced towards the bathroom when she sat up, seeing the glow of the light beneath the door. The pounding of the water in the shower signaled that Roman was getting ready to go to work... or that he'd just gotten home. She never knew.

It seemed as if Roman was always at work. He didn't offer any reason, and she didn't ask for any. Asking for reasons invited arguments, and she was too tired most of the time. Juggling her private practice with her consulting work with the Salem PD was time consuming. Arguing with Roman about her work, or his long hours was exhausting. His work had taken over their lives, leaving little room left for trying to figure out exactly what was wrong in their relationship. Almost immediately after his return to work, he had started taking evening shifts and weekend shifts. They barely saw each other. Now that the children were in Colorado, Marlena had taken on extra work to fill the emptiness in her life. She could barely stand being in her own home, because Roman was never there, and Sami and Eric were gone.